Celebrity Secrets

Celebrity Secrets Move to Spylicious.com

2008-04-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

Celebrity Secrets Move to

Spylicious.com

Lindsay Lohan’s new boyfriend is Prince Charming

2007-10-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

Lindsay Lohan’s new boyfriend snowboarder Riley Giles was apparently engaged when he started dating Lindsay. So how did Riley break things off with his fiancee? Simple, he didn’t. Nice, I love that approach. Keeps things mysterious. For her anyway, while you do other chicks. Of course it helps to pick one that’s not, I dunno, constantly photographed by the paparazzi. NY Daily News reports:

And poor Bree Tierney of Murray, Utah, found out he'd moved on from the tabloids.

"Riley just stopped calling Bree and never told her about Lindsay," her mom, Tess, told Us Weekly. "She found out by seeing photos. It destroyed her."

But, besides lacking a pair of balls, Riley is respectful towards Lindsay’s alcoholism:

"They did meet once and had sodas at a hotel bar, but they quickly realized it was not the right place to be," a friend tells us. "Lindsay is sticking to the program."

I see nothing out of the ordinary here. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl gets engaged. Boy meets another girl with large breasts, drug and alcohol problems and Daddy issues. Boy realizes he can do lots of naked stuff with new girl. Boy abandons fiancee by never calling her again. Boy and new girl get photographed 24/7. Same old tune, just different characters. It's about as American as apple pie.

Post by thesuperficial

Matt Damon Gets Love From Japan

2007-10-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

Here Matt Damon is enjoying a stroll through Japan's Narita airport and is greeted by a throng of fans. He looks happy to be receiving some love from the public and yes, he's cute and all, but he's starting to look like such a dad to me. I probably just think that, though, because my dad also liked to dress like an off-duty Secret Service agent--albeit, not quite as stylishly as Mr. Damon here. I have to say, I usually give celebs shit for either dressing up or down way too much while they travel in public, but I think Matt really has found the happy medium. Kudos, Matt. I'm sure you're very relieved to hear that you've received my approval.

Post at socialitelife

Britney Spears to Be ‘Healed’ by Shamen

2007-10-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

Britney Spears is going to be HEALED! Apparently, when a judge decided that a red neck, wigger was the lesser of two evils and gave K-FED custody of her two children, Britney decided it was time to take the matter to the Lord. Or Indian spirit. Or something.

[She] is said to have organised the meeting with a head shaman near a reservation at the base of America’s Grand Canyon.

A source said: “The head shaman has agreed to perform the ritual on Britney, which is a great honour.

“The shaman will wave sage over her head and daub her temples with a magical potion. And the learned Indians will chant mantra and perform a special dance around her.”

Then they will add some nice chicken stock and a bouquet garnis to the pot, spatchcock her plump body and add a little ‘essence’. BAM!

Post by fatbackandcollards

Charlize Theron Is Welcome in My Shower Anytime

2007-10-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

And there we have it folks–Esquire Magazine’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” for 2007 is Charlize Theron. I could go on and on about how hot she is, but I know that you just want to see the pictures to fantasize over. To that end, Charlize has provided the fodder for your perversions. Have at it!

Post by fatbackandcollards

Um. Okay. I’m listening.

2007-10-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

So it’s slow and I’m hungover so you get a GD linkpost and some old caps of Christina Aguilera nude in a perfume ad. See how I put Christina Aguilera and nude together in the same sentence? That’s called SEO and it pays the bill, baby. Speaking of paying the bills. WTF is this commercial selling? From what I can tell it’s perfume that makes you more of a whore. Well, sir. You win.

Post by fatbackandcollards

Apparently It Was Couples Flat-Ironing Night . . .

2007-10-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

Like your average 15 year old, I <3 Pete Wentz. Only I’m not 15 so it’s quite possible that I have a serious problem being that I really do have a crush on the seemingly tortured, emo boy who is skinnier than I am. Anyway, Ashlee Simpson snagged my Pete away about a year ago and since then I’ve been okay with it since they do make a cute couple, plus as far as talentless starlets he could have done a hell of a lot worse.

Anyway, Ashlee and Pete are innocuously cute without being sickening . . . until now. Look at their matching coifs! These pictures inspire fantasy conversations between the two in which Pete’s stylist asks Ashlee’s stylist to borrow her flat iron. Or, maybe, to create economies of scale they just share the same stylist. Whatever the case, neither one of their dos at Moveline’s Hollywood Life Style Awards is flattering. And together they are just plain ridiculous.

Post by fatbackandcollards

Anna Kournikova Is a Breath of Fresh Air

2007-10-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

Pretty soon I’m going to hire Chris Crocker to make a video for me in which he will beg the print, television, and web media to leave Miss Lennox alone with their goddamn 24-7 coverage of Britney’s every Taco Bell stop and hoo-ha flashing. I’m over Britney. I’m sick of nothing but Britney on every web page I view!!!

Thankfully the pretty and sane Anna Kournikova presented herself in a bikini top and form-fitting lounge pants this weekend, and I have a tiny Britney break and a nice piece of flesh to look at on-line. Plus, Anna’s not a Hollywood Bimbette. In fact, the only stupid thing she’s ever done was date and continue to date that douchebag Enrique Iglesias. I mean seriously, what do you see in a guy who friggin’ tells the news media that he needs extra-small condoms?!? Note, not “Small,” but “Extra-Small.” Jesus, I want to vomit thinking about his 3.5″ chili pepper! Aye, conyo!

But anyway, Anna K’s body is ridiculously tight and toned so please enjoy these pics of her . . . despite Douchebag Iglesias ruining some of them.

Post by fatbackandcollards

Britney Spears is Really Smart

2007-08-28T02:37:00.000-07:00

Britney Spears has left executives at her label, Jive Records, stunned after she backed out of a Timbaland produced duet with ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake. The song, which the label hoped would serve as the comeback Britney is looking for, was to be performed at this years VMA’s. Sources can offer no explanation other than Britney Spears is a fucking retard:

“Timbaland set aside a week out of his crazy schedule to do this - and then, just before she was supposed to fly out, Britney abruptly canceled the session and refused to do the song. “It’s crazy,” the insider added. “She’s looking for a comeback, and this would have not only been a huge hit, but something she could have opened the MTV Video Awards with and really blown everyone away.” Another insider said, “Listen, everyone is worried. In her mind, her album is done and she’s done enough work . . . She’s an easy target right now, because she’s . . . sick. People like her are sick. It’s like an anorexic who’s sick in the head and needs help. She needs help. It’s sad because what she’s got - and we’ve heard it’s like bipolar disorder - can easily be treated with medication, but she won’t do it.”

Of course Britney was going to fuck this up. It’s Britney. She’s probably recorded 12 songs about cigarettes and pie. And Slim Jims. It’s pretty safe to say that I’d rather listen to firetrucks at an orphanage than anything on this idiot’s album.

Hayden Panettierre has milk

2007-08-28T02:33:00.001-07:00

Well it’s refreshing to see that advertisers have decided to go the high road and not take a barely legal teenager and exploit her using sexually suggestive imagery with and try to mitigate it with a ridiculous sappy tagline. Except, OHMYGOD not really. What the hell? An alter boy with a priest’s nutsack in his mouth isn’t this suggestive. Instead of Got Milk?, it should be Got Facial, Lolita?

Britney Spears Topless In Allure Magazine

2007-08-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

Except not really. No photoshop here right? I’ve seen more realistic photos in the Weekly World News. Like that bat kid that decided have sex with the fattest lady ever and they were friends with JFK and Hitler and when they went outside to look for el chupacabra, the clouds were shaped like the devil? The DEVIL. Makes you think.

Anna Kournikova bikini slip because its summertime

2007-08-28T02:00:00.000-07:00

Yep its summer. I'm drunk and I stopped watching Extra and Access Hollywood. I have no idea what’s going on with Britney, Lindsay or Paris. And I don’t give a shit. Pop culture has become so blase to me that I won’t even stop to put the accent ague on it. Paris is out of jail, Lindsay is in rehab, Amy Winehouse is in rehab, Angelina wants a new baby. Brains = blown out of skull.

Christina Aguilera gets Naked for the Lord

2007-02-09T05:36:00.000-08:00

Christina Aguilera recently told talk show host Ellen DeGeneres that she and husband Jordan Bratman keep their marriage spicy by being entirely naked on Sundays.

"We have something called naked Sundays."

"Excuse me?" DeGeneres asks. "Did you say naked Sundays?"

"You have to keep marriage alive, spice it up," says Aguilera, admitting that some added heat is required even though the two have only been married for "a big whole year."

"[In November] we just celebrated our first anniversary, and on Sundays we just do everything in the house, and we're just cozy and laid back," she says. "We don't need to go anywhere, we're just with each other." We do everything naked. We cook naked."

That is simultaneously the best and worst news I have ever heard. On one hand you have Christina Aguilera frolicking naked like a pixie witch in defiance of the Lord and the Sabbath, and on the other hand she's getting man handled the whole time by a ham fisted creature from middle earth. It's a heart-rending dichotomy- that at once personifies true beauty and true evil - which unceasingly burdens your soul. Kinda like feeling razor stubble when that hot chick you met at the cowboy bar goes down on you. Here's Christina at Hyde on Puxatawny Phil Day.

Source: fatback and collards

Lindsay Lohan Confused About Rehab

2007-02-09T05:34:00.000-08:00

Lindsay Lohan is apparently not taking well to rehab at the Wonderland Rehabilitation facility in LA where she entered into a program for "addictions" earlier this month. Us Weekly got glimpse of a text message that she sent to Brody Jenner from the inside.

We've eye-balled one particularly flirtatious sext-message that Lohan sent Jenner - former flame of Kristin Cavallari, Nicole Richie and Lauren Conrad - last Saturday night in which the 12-stepper, among other requests, texted that all she wanted was "McDonald's and sex."

Wait? She's in rehab? I thought she was coming and going as she pleases, eating what she wants , doing drugs and drinking straight vodka at dance parties. That's only rehab if you're the Zodiac killer.

Source: fatback and collards

Supernova Failed To Reach Critical Mass

2007-02-09T05:15:00.000-08:00

Reality show supergroup offspring Supernova didn't make the headlines quite as planned. In fact their flaccidly hyped album, which should have been a rock icon wet dream, failed to break thorugh the Billboard Top 100 this week. Supenova. the bell tolls for thee. Jugga junn junn. Jugga junn JUNN.

Rock Star: Supernova, the latest spawn of reality guru Mark Burnett's Rock Star franchise, had all the earmarks of a true supergroup - members from Motley Crue, Metallica and Guns N' Roses; a high-profile personality in drummer Tommy Lee; and a predecessor in INXS, whose "Rock Star" success with lead singer, J.D. Fortune, garnered a Top 20 album and a sold-out tour.

The reason Supernova didn't flourish is simple: they bumped out ultra hot rockers Storm Large and Dilana. Those girls were smokin' hot and both look like they could handle themselves in a fight and could get rid of a body if neceesary. Even if their music sucked, who wouldn't pay to watch them crawl around on stage in black leather, low-cut tees and wildly colored hair singing distressed tunes of love unrequited. Hell, I'd pay to see them fight. Everyone loves a good chick fight. Rrreow.

Source: fatback and collards

Courtney Love to Judge American Idol

2007-02-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

American Idol is getting a new judge. Amidst rumors that vehemently crazy dingdong Paula Abdul may be getting fired, Courtney Love has officially announced that she will be a judge on the hit reality show this season.

Love reveals to her favorite magazine Web site that Idol's executive producer Nigel Lythgoe called her office last week inquiring into whether she would be interested in sitting in as a judge on the hit FOX show.

"He called," Love tells Usmagazine.com. "He was wondering if I was interested. I thought it was kind of weird but brilliant."

Another source from the catacombs under my house revealed that Nigel Lythgoe is actually Lord Voldemort and that this is all part of his deadly endgame. Asking Courtney Love to judge a singing contest makes about as much sense as asking her not to eat buckets of drugs or be a hideous hag who won't stop unfurling her vagina parts in front of live audiences.

There was a time when Courtney Love was pretty hot and damn right do-able. Wait. I mean, OH MY GOD DON'T HURT ME. I tried to find some non-crazy images of Courtney Love, but after about 9 seconds Googling I went fucking insane and killed my neighbor with a can of anchovies packed in olive oil. To be fair, he was kind of a dick. I need a nap because my eyes are burning with the flames of hellfire.

Source: fatback and collards

Katharine McPhee is a Hooker

2007-02-07T06:50:00.001-08:00

...or at least those boots are. Damn Girl. Thats's the album cover for Krazy Kat's new album, which drops today and is filed under the genres of "Sucks" and "Who Cares". And don't be thinking I'm some kind of Kat Hater or Talyor Hicks luvah. I just hate shitty music.

I'm quite sure I defied the laws of physics trying to see under Katharine's dress. But I have an eerie feeling when I got under there, I'd find a chastity belt of pure American steel that reads, "Not this rainbow, fucker" then she'd summon the scientology aliens to leave me in a lust-induced coma and walk away with my wallet. That's the mark of a pure sexpot. Lure you in then stab you right in the balls. Aside from that, my only complaint is lack of plunging neckline and copious cleavage. If you got it, flaunt it, sista. I know I do.

More of that DYN-O-MITE cleave.

Tara Conner is a Quitter

2007-02-07T06:50:00.000-08:00

Miss America and former party girl Tara Conner is out of rehab and into spinning some PR. Matt Lauer of the Today Show will get the only scheduled live interview on Thursday and a taped interview for Dateline will air Thursday night. In a pre-interview statement picked up by E! news, Tara expounds on being a role model, finding inner peace and her stint in rehab.

''I would not change my past, because it gave me my future,'' she told NBC News in preparation for her chat with Lauer. ''I learned the tools to live a clean and sober life of recovery. From rehab, I gain sobriety.''

Fuck that. She's a 21 year old religiously oppressed southern girl with a great rack and an appetite for destruction. Of course she partied when she got to the big city. That's what they do. Sending a horny 21 year old model to rehab for sex and drugs is like cutting off a unicorn's horn and stabbing him in the eye with it. Then giving him an eye-patch to wear so he thinks that maybe, just maybe, you didn't really mean to do it. Then you laugh at him in front of the other mythical beasts. And he just cries silent tears from his one good eye that hit the ground and turn into black rainbows of dispair as the magic leaves this world forever. Because he's a pussy.

Source: fatback and collards

Better than Paris Hilton again? Really?

2007-02-07T06:49:00.000-08:00

Paris Hilton never ceases to 1. amaze me, b. be naked, or Stardate 2517.09. be a filthy spoiled whore. That said, I think if she were held a little more as a child she probably wouldn't be such a drugged out whore. She would just be a plain old vanilla whore like the rest of us. Speaking of filthy vanilla whores, here's an oldie but nudey pic of Paris's’s's's mom classin' up tha jizzoint with some Baby Boomer titties. Rrreow. I love Cat Stevens. And apostrophes'.

Source: fatback and collards

Lindsay Lohan Does Miu Miu

2007-01-29T06:09:00.000-08:00

I'm a big fan of Lindsay Lohan. I know there are a ton of haters out there, but I'm not one of them. I think she's one of the hottest celebrities around. Especially when she's showing cleavage. Here she is in a stunning Miu Miu ad campaign looking as cute as a manga doll.

Source: Popoholic

Olivia Wilde Is Very Convincing

2007-01-29T05:53:00.000-08:00

I first noticed the stunning Olivia Wilde on The OC, where she played Mischa Barton's blonde lesbian lover. Off to a good start right? She then caught my eye stripping down to her birthday suit in Alpha Dog (only good part of the film btw). So posting these pictures of her were inevitable. Enjoy.

Source: Popoholic

Can You Guess Which One Is Keira Knightley?

2007-01-29T05:08:00.000-08:00

Here are some Keira Knightley bikini pictures... now it's up to you to guess which one is Keira and which one is her boyfriend.

Really, you're not seeing double. I swear, one is a guy and one is girl... though it's hard to tell which is which. So there you have it. For any of you that were curious to know what Keria would look like as a boy, enjoy these photos - just don't blame me if you accidentally get wood from looking at the wrong person.

Source: Hollywoodtuna

Tricia Helfer in Playboy

2007-01-28T07:56:00.000-08:00

Sci-Fi star Trisha Helfer sets aside the "Six-y" Cylon world to pose for Playboy. See what I did there? Who says girls can’t love sci-fi?

Tricia Helfer plays an evil machine on " Battlestar Galactica," but the sexy Cylon may cause her fans to short-circuit when they see the latest edition of Playboy.

" I hope people like them," Helfer told The Post of her 10-page nude pictorial shot by famed shutterbug Sante D'Orazio. " I know I do."

I'm not surprised.It's always the unsuspecting ones, like the Sci-Fi chick, or the Catholic school English teacher, the burger joint French fry queen…your mom. Trekkie convention is just a glorified name for orgy and Deep Space Nine sounds like low-budget porn on Cinemax After Dark (PPV!). And the Twelve Colonies of Kobol are simply nudist, self-indulgent, hedonistic havens. Regardless, Trisha's hot and I would park my Enterprise in her Final Frontier any day. Let's just say I'll take a ' NumberSix' with '7 of 9' any day. I don't know, whatever, just go with it. Nerd. Get your game hand ready, here’s more science fictionly cyborg semi-nakedness. By the way, these photos are not from Playboy.

Source: fatback and collards

Britney Spears Should Go to Rehab

2007-01-28T07:45:00.000-08:00

Kevin Federline has begged estranged wife Britney Spears to go into rehab,
it has been reported.

The wannabe rapper - who split from Britney last November after two years of
marriage - has been trying to persuade the singer to clean up her life and
threatened to take their two sons away from her.

A source told America's Star magazine: "Kevin has tried to convince Britney
to check herself into rehab from every possible angle. First he tried
threatening to take away the kids, and then he tried pleading with her to
take care of herself."

Kevin, 28, has even joined forces with Britney's mother Lynne in a
last-ditch attempt to convince Britney to be a better mother to 16-month-old
Sean Preston and four-month-old Jayden James.

The source added: "Kevin is afraid that Britney is going to hurt herself.

"Britney isn't spending enough time with the kids. They are being raised by
strangers. He has told Britney to get help before it's too late."

Meanwhile, Britney, 25, has ended her relationship with Isaac Cohen.

The 'Toxic' singer, who began dating the Los Angeles model just two weeks
ago, announced they are no longer a couple.

When questioned about her romance, Britney said: "We're not together
anymore, by the way."

hollywoodrag

Victoria Beckham Will Soon Be A Reality?

2007-01-26T05:53:00.000-08:00

David and Victoria Beckham are being lined up as the new Osbournes after America's Fox TV network offered them their own show. The couple, who are due to move to the States within months after David signed a multi-million dollar deal with the Los Angeles Galaxy football team, are said to be considering the offer. The show provisionally titled Living with the Beckhams – would follow the couple as they take their first steps in the US.

You all know how much I love Victoria Beckham and knowing that she's considering doing a reality show has got me into a frenzy. I'm so used to seeing still photographs of her, that I don't know if I'll be able to handle actual TV footage. A Victoria Beckham reality show means that we'll get to see her breasts in full motion for a full half hour. Now, I don't know how much they'll move (they look pretty solid to me) but it will be interesting to find out on a weekly basis.

Source: Hollywoodtuna

Penelope Cruz Hits The Beach

2007-01-26T05:38:00.000-08:00

Penelope Cruz hits the St. Tropez beach in to remind us all what a killer body she has. Penelope definitely deserves to enjoy herself, especially after the recent fuss over a rumoured love affair with best friend Salma Hayek. And if enjoying herself means frolicking on the beach in a bikini, then she should do it more often.

Source: Popoholic

Jessica Biel's Ass Needs A Jessica Alba Makeover

2007-01-26T05:35:00.000-08:00

I know this is my second Jessica Biel post in one day, but I just wanted to show you another stellar example of how masculine her shape is getting. I don't have a good feeling about her boyfriend Derek Jeter's baseball season next year. The injuries he probably sustains on a nightly basis from Jessica's tough lovin' could be career ending. He's probably black and blue all over. I can picture the poor guy being thrown around like a rag doll in her bed, crying in his pillow, and begging for mercy while she leaves bite marks on his shoulder, and demands ''Who's your Daddy, bitch!?'' Please Jessica, come back to the light. Heavy gym weights have no business being in the hands of someone with as pretty a face as you. Think of Jessica Alba’s ass - that used to be you. I hope that’s enough incentive to give the gym a rest. If you won't do it for me, do it for the Yankee fans.

Source: Hollywoodtuna

Kelly Brook Bikini Pictures

2007-01-26T05:32:00.000-08:00

Just so you all know, I had to make a last minute trip across country to L.A this morning. It's a long story, but it was necessary. Anyway, the stress of last minute packing, turbulence and rude airline personnel has left me a nervous wreck. So bad in fact, I almost decided to take today off. Then I came across these revitalizing pictures of the magnificent Keeley Hazell and suddenly I had the strength of ten men. She really snapped me out of my daze and got me blood pumping again. She's like coffee - but better. And much more fun to have in the morning I’m sure.

Source: Popoholic

Razzie Nominations

2007-01-26T05:21:00.000-08:00

Worst Picture
Basic Instinct 2
BloodRayne
Lady In The Water
Little Man
The Wicker Man

Worst Actor
Tim Allen - The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog, Zoom
Nicolas Cage - The Wicker Man. Dan Whitney - Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Rob Schneider - Benchwarmers, Little Man
Marlon Wayans and Shawn Wayans - Little Man

Worst Actress
Hilary Duff and Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Lindsay Lohan - Just My Luck
Kristanna Loken - BloodRayne
Jessica Simpson - Employee Of The Month
Sharon Stone - Basic Instinct 2

Worst Supporting Actor
Danny DeVito - Deck The Halls
Ben Kingsley - BloodRayne
M Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water
Martin Short - Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
David Thewlis - Basic Instinct 2, The Omen

Worst Supporting Actress
Kate Bosworth - Superman Returns
Kristin Chenoweth - Deck The Halls, Pink Panther, RV
Carmen Electra - Date Movie, Scary Movie 4
Jenny McCarthy - John Tucker Must Die
Michelle Rodriguez - BloodRayne

Worst Director
Uwe Boll - BloodRayne
Michael Caton-Jones - Basic Instinct 2
Ron Howard - The Da Vinci Code
M Night Shyamalan - Lady In The Water
Keenan Ivory Wayans - Little Man

Worst Screenplay
Basic Instinct 2
BloodRayne
Lady In The Water
Little Man
The Wicker Man

Worst Screen Couple
Tim Allen and Martin Short - Santa Clause 3 The Escape Clause
Nicolas Cage and his bear suit - The Wicker Man
Hilary and Haylie Duff - Material Girls
Sharon Stone's breasts - Basic Instinct 2
Shawn Wayans and/ either Kerry Washington or Marlon Wayans - Little Man

Worst Remake Or Rip-Off
Little Man
Pink Panther
Poseidon
The Shaggy Dog Story
The Wicker Man

Worst Prequel Or Sequel
Basic Instinct 2
Big Momma's House 2
Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties
Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Worst Excuse For A Family Film
Deck The Halls
Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties
RV
Santa Clause 3
The Shaggy Dog

Oscar Nominations

2007-01-26T05:09:00.000-08:00

Best motion picture of the year
Babel
The Departed
Letters from Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Leonardo DiCaprio - Blood Diamond
Ryan Gosling - Half Nelson
Peter O'Toole - Venus
Will Smith - The Pursuit of Happyness
Forest Whitaker - The Last King of Scotland

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin - Little Miss Sunshine
Jackie Earle Haley - Little Children
Djimon Hounsou - Blood Diamond
Eddie Murphy - Dreamgirls
Mark Wahlberg - The Departed

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Pene'lope Cruz - Volver
Judi Dench - Notes on a Scandal
Helen Mirren - The Queen
Meryl Streep - The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet - Little Children

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Adriana Barraza - Babel
Cate Blanchett - Notes on a Scandal
Abigail Breslin - Little Miss Sunshine
Jennifer Hudson - Dreamgirls
Rinko Kikuchi - Babel

Achievement in directing
Alejandro González Iñárritu - Babel
Martin Scorsese - The Departed
Clint Eastwood - Letters from Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears - The Queen
Paul Greengrass - United 93

Best animated feature film of the year
Cars
Happy Feet
Monster House

Achievement in art direction
Dreamgirls
The Good Shepherd
Pan's Labyrinth
Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest
The Prestige

Achievement in cinematography
The Black Dahlia
Children of Men
The Illusionist
Pan's Labyrinth
The Prestige

Achievement in costume design
Curse of the Golden Flower
The Devil Wears Prada
Dreamgirls
Marie Antoinette
The Queen

Best documentary feature
Deliver Us from Evil
An Inconvenient Truth
Iraq in Fragments
Jesus Camp
My Country, My Country

Best documentary short subject
The Blood of Yingzhou District
Recycled Life
Rehearsing a Dream
Two Hands

Achievement in film editing
Babel
Blood Diamond
Children of Men
The Departed
United 93

Best foreign language film of the year
After the Wedding
Days of Glory (Indigènes)
The Lives of Others
Pan's Labyrinth
Water

Achievement in makeup
Apocalypto
Click
Pan's Labyrinth

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
Gustavo Santaolalla - Babel
Thomas Newman - The Good German
Philip Glass - Notes on a Scandal
Javier Navarrete - Pan's Labyrinth
Alexandre Desplat - The Queen

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
I Need to Wake Up - An Inconvenient Truth
Listen - Dreamgirls
Love You I Do - Dreamgirls
Our Town - Cars
Patience - Dreamgirls

Best animated short film
The Danish Poet
Lifted
The Little Matchgirl
Maestro
No Time for Nuts

Best live action short film
Binta and the Great Idea (Binta Y La Gran Idea)
E'ramos Pocos (One Too Many)
Helmer & Son
The Saviour
West Bank Story

Achievement in sound editing
Apocalypto
Blood Diamond
Flags of Our Fathers
Letters from Iwo Jima
Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest

Achievement in sound mixing
Apocalypto
Blood Diamond
Dreamgirls
Flags of Our Fathers
Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest

Achievement in visual effects
Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest
Poseidon
Superman Returns

Adapted screenplay
BoratCultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Children of Men
The Departed
Little Children
Notes on a Scandal

Original screenplay
Babel
Letters from Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
Pan's Labyrinth
The Queen

Keeley Hazell Eases Jet Lag

2007-01-26T04:39:00.000-08:00

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer still doing...something?

2007-01-26T04:27:00.000-08:00

Singers John Mayer and Jessica Simpson have finally stopped denying that they are in a relationship just in time to break up and only be seen together for publicity purposes. Mayer, who has a long history of dating beautiful women like Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt, doesn't seem to mind.

At Nobu in Miami in Tuesday night, the pair "barely spoke" to each other, reports Page Six, and John "was extremely quiet and didn't speak a lot." Jessica, as is her wont, engaged in "a lot of puppy-dog looks and twirled and twisted her hair." Sure, they were seen holding hands, but Simpson then left John all alone for 20 minutes at the table to get herself primped for cameras waiting outside.

Jessica Simpson's 100% natural breasts never cease to amaze me or my penis, although my penis said she should cinch up those straps a bit if she's not going to wear a bra. Side boob is nice, but not when it's literally hanging on your side. My penis also told me to make fun of John Mayer, because he so tall and gangly and looks like he would rather chew through your neck than have Sushi. But, penis, I say, when he sings, he just melts my cold steel heart me. He's dreamy.

Source: fatback and collards

Marissa Miller apparently still perfect

2007-01-26T04:22:00.000-08:00

This is unbelievably perfect model Marissa Miller who, according to IMDB is 28 years old. But how can that be you ask? Twenty eight in human years is like a hundred and eleventy in model years. She should have a collapsed nostril, anal fistulas and only weigh 43 lbs by now. She was either created by aliens to destroys us, or, if the voices I've been hearing are right, the Lord wants me to masturbate a lot more. She's 5'8", 34D-23-35, is from southern California and came in second in the Kelly Slater Invitational Surf Contest in Fiji. And that's only because Kelly Slater was masturbating to her while surfing and got in her way. Granted, she didn't surf. She just walked down to the water in a bikini and said mahalo and entire island of Fiji rubbed one out right then and there. True story. That’s why she’s such an inspiration.

Source: fatback and collards

American Idol. Still sucks. Katharine McPhee's Rack still doesn't suck.

2007-01-26T03:54:00.000-08:00

Even on the 50" Plasma screen that I have in the bathroom of my secret island hideout, American Idol still sucks. How about Jewel being a rotten bitch? I guess all that time living in van, giving handjobs for chilli-cheese fries made her kinda jaded. What doesn't suck is Katharine McPhee's giant rack. Yeah, I guess she can sing and all, but just by seeing her cleavage at the Golden Globes after party I think I cured a future prostate cancer and I just got out of my wheelchair for the first time in 3 years. I want a puppy. Here are some more images of the healing powers of Katharine's rack. I think it's just four copies of the same picture though. Be healed.

Source: fatback and collards

Sophia Bush is Wonder Woman

2007-01-26T03:47:00.000-08:00

Sophia Bush is the new Wonder Woman. At least according to the crack reporting of Cinematical. Joss Whedon's much anticipated spank bait live action version of DC Comic's Wonder Woman has boasted several hot actresses for the lead role including Charisma Carpenter, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel and Nicole Ritchie (jay slash kay, duh.) and has been on the drawing board for about 3 years now with no real plan for launch. That said. OMG. Sophia Bush as Wonder Woman?

Yes, we now officially have another name to throw in the Wonder Woman pot - this time around, it's actress Sophia Bush who seems to be raising more than a few eyebrows. IESB recently sat down with Bush to discuss her role in The Hitcher remake, and decided to bring up a rumor they had heard awhile back but never wrote about. When asked whether she had discussed playing Wonder Woman with the powers that be, Bush simply replied, "Maybe." Oh, and then she smiled.

Maybe? So that means there's a chance. "Maybe" really means "yes" to almost every question you could ask. Like, "would you like to have sex?", "What if I threw in a roofie?" , "Oh, did I not mention that part?", " So you...do want to have sex, then?" Things that also mean yes: Silence, "I'm so drunk" and "can you hold my hair?"

Source: fatback and collards

Sophia Bush, Woman, celebrity

Jessica Alba Bikini Football Player, American Hero

2007-01-15T07:41:00.000-08:00

I'm a lot of things to a lot of people. Besides sexymotherfucker, and espionage expert with intense kung-fu lovemaking skills, I’m also a patriot to the good ole USA. Here in the USA we stand for freedom, pro-sports, sexy chicks in bikinis and cheap middle east oil. The only thing that would make Jessica Alba playing football in a bikini an even more red blooded American hero is if she were eating a slice of apple pie, wearing a cowboy hat while I sang the star-spangled banner. Nude. at the Iwo Jima memorial. God bless the USA.

Source: fatback and collards

Reese Witherspoon is heading down south

2007-01-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

Rumors are afoot that sexy southern hotness Reese Witherspoon is leaving LA and moving to Charleston SC with her two children. Reese is adorably southern and Charleston is adorably quaint. And her accent? OMG. I feel like hugging a little wrinkly puppy while dancing in a field of poppies, y'all.

Thoroughly disgusted with both marriage and Hollywood, Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon believes firmly in her Southern roots. She has taken her children and moved to Charleston, S.C. Both kids are said to be in public school there.

I'm glad to see Reese is getting back to her southern roots and coming back down to live with her people. Charleston is hip, yet refined, historic without being stodgy and didn’t get ruined in a hurricane last year. Win-win. It's also dripping with co-eds who are more than eager to welcome you with acts of southern hospitality. Holla back COC & MUSC! Welcome home Reese. We’ll swing by with some mac & cheese and potato salad to get you all settled in.

Source: fatback and collards

Bad, Britney, Bad Britney!

2007-01-15T07:32:00.000-08:00

Britney Spears was recently voted 'world's worst celebrity dog owner'. When asked about owner Britney, her dogs replied, ''woof woof, bitch, bark bark''.

Britney Spears' parenting skills are being called into question once again. This time she's been voted the world's worst celebrity dog owner in an online vote conducted by two dog magazines.
''Britney was the overwhelming choice,'' Hilary O'Hagan, editor of The New York Dog and The Hollywood Dog magazines, said in a statement picked up by the Associated Press.
''She once had three Chihuahuas ... and never left home without at least one of them on her arm,'' O'Hagan said. ''As soon as she met K-Fed and had kids they (the dogs) disappeared.''
Paris Hilton placed second for ''treating her dogs like accessories.'' Oprah Winfrey, who owns five dogs (not including Stedman), was voted this year's best celebrity dog owner. The talk-show host replaced 2005 winner Joss Stone, and beat out fellow dog owners Tori Spelling and Nicollette Sheridan.

When I see Britney, a lot of worsts come to mind, like: worst woman to sing at your funeral, or worst candidate for an underwear ad, or worst posterchild for literacy…the list goes on. But you've got to be a special kind of stupid to be voted worst celebrity dog owner by not one, but two, dog magazines. Owning a dog is easy: eat, sleep, poop, fetch. It's not rocket science, we're dealing with a creature that licks its butt and goes for the fake ball throw every time.

Source: fatback and collards

Angelina Jolie wants to add to the gang

2007-01-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

Angelina Jolie thinks kids are fun and a joy and says she would like more.

''I'm very, very lucky. I love the different elements of my life. I love working abroad, and I love being with my kids and I love being with Brad,'' Jolie, 31, said Friday at a press event for her movie The Good Shepherd. ''I'd like to add many more children and many more obstacles and many more things to my life.''

And she makes every effort to give her children a normal life, despite her own fame. ''I've made a point to not let it change the way that I live my life, other than I carefully plan my holidays or where we go or where we stay or things like that to try to ensure some kind of quality of life that is private and nice for the kids. But we simply don't let it affect us.''

Angelina is one kid away from her own It's a small world ride. But I suppose it's easy to want several children when you have nannies and maids and caretakers in abundance. Not like our house; my sis and I were lucky if mom would come down from her buzz long enough to remember to turn the heat on. And the closest we ever came to a nanny was watching PBS while mom and boy-toy-du-jour cleaned house.The only room they ever seemed to clean was the bedroom, so we went unsupervised a lot. A lot. But, I learned too cook, drive at 13 and I do have a nice collection of PBS fund drive coffee mugs. Stay in school.

Source: fatback and collards

Adriana Lima sizzles at the beach

2007-01-15T06:14:00.000-08:00

Brrrr. Now that winter has set in I thought I'd warm it up a bit with some Adriana Lima bikini shots. I'll assume that these are from Brazil because she’s Brazilian and because I'm too lazy to do real research. Meu Deus!

Adriana Lima, commonly known as ''the best face in the industry'' and ''the most in demand runway model in the world'',rose to stardom out of less than glamorous conditions. Lima was discovered while shopping at a local mall at the age of 13. At the age of 15, she finished in first place in a Ford Supermodel of Brazil model search. Lima later followed with a second place finish in the 1996 Ford Supermodel of the World contest.

Scouting for supermodels in Brazil has got to be the easiest job in the world. Everyone is hot and sexy. Even that statue of Jesus looking over Rio from the mountain top has a boner if you look close enough. So, winning a supermodel contest in Brazil means that Adriana is so sexy that you could get an erection from just looking at her DNA profile in electrophoresis gel. Although, I would never do that in my lab. We have rules, you know.

Update: So sexy reader Gelleila let us know that these pics are from St. Barth’s and not Brazil. Research rulez.

Source: fatback and collards

Angelina Jolie Wants More Children!

2006-12-12T02:56:00.000-08:00

"I'm very, very lucky. I love the different elements of my life. I love working abroad, and I love being with my kids and I love being with Brad," Jolie, 31, said Friday at a press event for her movie The Good Shepherd. "I'd like to add many more children and many more obstacles and many more things to my life."

Asked if she'd ever again work with Pitt, with whom she costarred in last year's Mr. and Mrs. Smith, she replied with a laugh: "Who's going to watch the children?" Indeed, she chooses her films with Maddox, 5, Zahara, 23 months, and Shiloh, 6 months, in mind. "I don't think that I've shot for more than seven weeks on a movie in two years," she said. "I need to make sure that I have time with my kids."

And she makes every effort to give her children a normal life, despite her own fame. "I've made a point to not let it change the way that I live my life, other than I carefully plan my holidays or where we go or where we stay or things like that to try to ensure some kind of quality of life that is private and nice for the kids. But we simply don't let it affect us." She does admit, though, that there are challenges: "I think that the only time that it is hard is when the kids want to go somewhere and want to see something. I've had so many people offer to take my children to Disneyland or places that I can't take them. And they don't understand how upsetting that is.

"People offered to take my kids trick or treating or take my kids to whatever – things that they assume my kids can't do. So we plan to find ways to do all of those things. There are worse problems and so we're okay." This Halloween, she said, "We were in India and so we had this really odd celebration at the hotel. We just had candy and costumes sent from the states and so we all dressed up. Z had a really big afro and Maddox had dreadlocks. We had some fun with dress-up."

What is it that draws Jolie – who is supporting an orphanage in Zahara's native Ethiopia and fighting for legislation on behalf of AIDS orphans – to children? "They're fun. They're just a joy. It's a joy of life that exists nowhere else."

Source: Bricks and Stones

Brad and Angelina set for fairytale Christmas wedding in South Africa

2006-12-12T02:53:00.000-08:00

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are planning a fairytale Christmas wedding in South Africa. The Hollywood couple will tie the knot in a small village outside Johannesburg, according to reports. Sources say they were persuaded to pick the venue after talking to chat show queen Oprah Winfrey. An insider said: "They are treating their marriage like a spiritual affirmation and don't need big Hollywood glitz like Tom Cruise had in Italy."

The ceremony will include traditional African music and will be "simple and elegant", a friend of the couple told magazine OK! The pal adds: "They are so much in love. "Brad and Angelina have waited a long time for this chapter in their lives to unfold." It comes after Jolie and Winfrey have grown close after the TV host was impressed by Jolie's humanitarian efforts. She is said to have told her: "When you have the chance to capture lightning in a bottle you need to go for it." The pal said: "Ange is grateful to have a big sister in Oprah, a person who understands her fears of commitment but is also a kindred spirit." Winfrey, 52, is expected to be among several stars attending the low-key event, shortly before Christmas. Madonna, her husband Guy Ritchie, actor George Clooney and Jolie's co-star Daniel Craig are also said to be going.

Jolie was previously married to actors Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton.

Source: Bricks and Stones

A New Love for Nicole Richie?

2006-12-12T01:47:00.000-08:00

Are Nicole Richie and Good Charlotte's Joel Madden a couple? Both stars recently went through very public splits - he with Hilary Duff, she with Brody Jenner and DJ A.M. And now both stars seem to be rebounding in each others' arms! The two have been secretly dating for a few weeks, reports Us Weekly.

Nicole and Joel's "coming out" as a couple occurred this past weekend. On Saturday, December 2nd, the pair were spotted at hotspot Teddy's in Hollywood. "Nicole couldn't stop smiling," a clubgoer tells Us. Richie and Madden were seen dancing and holding hands. "I've never seen her happier," adds the source.

Source: Bricks and Stones

Brittany Murphy, her Cleavage, and Kids

2006-12-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

Now I'm not saying Brittany Murphy likes having little kids look down her top, but that is not going to stop me from implying she was putting on a show for all the little boys and girls she was greeting at the premier of Happy Feet in Australia. But, Brittany was kind enough to sign autographs and all that, so good for her. I'm just a callused prick, really.

Of course, now I have to find some witch who can cook me up a potion to shrink me down to kid size so I can go to Brittany's movie premieres and get some special treatment and see me some good visual imagery.

Yeah, I know...don't even bother asking what’s wrong with me.

Source: Subvert Society

Heather Graham likes the Backseat of Cars

2006-12-12T01:30:00.000-08:00

There's just something about the backseat of a car that makes Heather Graham appear a little too happy. The backseat of a car also has the unique physical properties of making nipple slips and upskirts more likely, but this time Heather barely escapes from flashing us her nipples accidentally on purpose. You can just see the nipple almost peeking out, and it is entirely possible that this is wishful thinking on my part, but who could blame me. The bikini tan lines made an appearance, but those nipples are some shy things. If only...

Source: Subvert Society

Gwen Stefani: Hair by Dr. Seuss

2006-12-12T01:20:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, Dr. Seuss. His maddening poetic verse fills Hollywood with such energy. So much so that Gwen Stefani had her hair done by one of the Whos, while the Grinch was trying to get her to take her clothes off. At which point, Gavin Rossdale kicked the Grinch's furry green butt, and Gwen and Gavin jetted off to the Billboard Music Awards once her hair was complete, fabulous, and Seussian.

And what happened then? Well, in Hollywyoodland they say that the Grinch's small junk grew three sizes that day. And then the true meaning of Gwen's hair came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches plus two.

Source: Subvert Society

Katharine McPhee: Real American Hero

2006-12-12T00:56:00.000-08:00

Apparently American Idol runner-up, Katharine McPhee is more human than we thought behind that apple-cheeked smile and much talked about cleavage. She recently spoke to Blender magazine about American Idol, being labeled stuck-up and even waking up puking red wine soaked Pad Thai on herself. So refreshing. So real.

In an interview with Blender, Katharine says, while touring can be tiring, ''the good outweighs the bad. Even if I think to myself, 'Oh, man, I gotta sing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' again?' I see the little faces smiling at me and they're all excited, so it becomes new to me.''

While that's very sweet, she also shows that she's human. Some ''non-fans'' may think she's ''overly confident or stuck-up'' or ''a snob,'' Katharine says, ''because during Idol I would talk back to the judges. Trust me, I could've said a lot worse things.'' She also says she's ''a big flirt. It doesn't get me into trouble - well, maybe it does sometimes. But yeah, I just love men.''

When asked about the last time she vomited, Katherine says, ''I don't think people want to read that. [Laughs] I'm supposed to be the sweet all-American girl from American Idol.'' But she relents and explains that she visited a friend and drank a bunch of wine, and says, ''I remember barfing all night long. I would wake up and I would already have barfed, and I didn't even know I was barfing. And to top it off, everything was just bright purple. Like, the pad Thai noodles were purple.''

Wow. She said that while being photographed for a ''sexy'' Blender layout? That just takes the sex appeal right off that whole conversation. It's like if you were on a bear skin rug naked with a super model pouring champagne all over each other and you start talking dirty and kissing and then she leans in to kiss you and says,''Don't you think your mom is sexy. She's always had a really hot ass. Mmmmm.'' Buzz. Kill.

Speaking of... What the hell happened to Katharine McPhee's rack? I know she's been dressing like 20's flapper lately, but this dress is basically draped across what should be a voluptuous display of boobies. And yet, I'm turning my monitor left and right and I can't see anything. It looks like she starved the boobies right off her body. She has a good voice and all and she seems nice enough but I think we all know what takes to make in this business. And to think just a year ago her rack crashed my server. Give this girl some groceries.

Source: fatback and collards

Scarlett Johansson worried about career

2006-12-12T00:24:00.000-08:00

Okay, so there's no breaking news, it's just an excuse to feature Scarlett's lovelies. Apparently, she is worried her career will not last much longer. She also disclosed she's a big fan of Uma Thurman's body. Clearly, Scarlett has never stepped foot in front of a reflective surface.

The 22-year-old actress, who starred in her first film aged just 12, admits she fears every film will be her last. Scarlett said: "Do I ever get nervous about this, right now, being the pinnacle of my career? Yeah I do. At the end of every movie I think 'Wow - this is the last one! Nice working with you.'" Meanwhile, Scarlett has revealed she thinks Uma Thurman has the perfect body. The blonde actress was blown away by the 'Kill Bill' star's amazing physique when she first saw her on the big screen.

Funny. "Peaked too soon" is usually used in conjunction with the men who watch Scarlett's movies. Uma is cool if you're into super-slim kung-fu slayers, but I think Scarlett's killer rack and accepting attitude jet her above the competition and into the rotation of my Vegas fantasies. "What happens in Vegas….stays with you until the antibiotics kick in." They conveniently leave that out of the commercials. Stupid girl in the cowboy hat riding a horse.

Source: fatback and collards

Jessica Simpson Gets Grounded!

2006-12-10T04:52:00.000-08:00

Jessica Simpson's mother gave Jess a verbal smackdown after her ''embarrassing'' rendition of ''9 to 5'' in front of Dolly Parton and President Bush at the Kennedy Center Honors last weekend, telling her that she should get out of the business if she doesn't want to put in the work. Sources tell TMZ that Tina Simpson was furious with Jess after she flubbed lyrics, stood statue-still on stage while trying to hold her dress up, and then awkwardly hurried off with a few mumbled words to Parton. Tina told her daughter that the performance was ''embarrassing'' and ''unprofessional''.

I think Jessica Simpson's mom should ease up a bit. I mean, it's not like anyone pays attention to Jessica and her musical ''talents''. The only reason she's there is to stand up on stage, look pretty and show off her rack for TV ratings. That's it. Plain and simple. You know it, I know it and Papa Joe knows it too. If anything Jess's mom should be upset that she managed to keep her dress from falling because let's be honest that would have been the ultimate tribute to Dolly Parton.

Source: hollywoodtuna

Shania Twain Is Back, Breasts And All!

2006-12-10T04:44:00.000-08:00

I can't tell you how happy I am to be doing a post on Shania Twain. It's been far too long since she's been spotted in public, so when I saw these pictures of her at The 29th Annual Kennedy Center Honors, I just jumped at the opportunity. There aren’t many women in the music business who compare to Shania's beauty and grace, and most importantly, her beautiful breasts. So without further ado, I present to you the triumphant return of Shania Twain, cleavage and all. How on Earth did we manage without her for so long? Welcome back.

Source: hollywoodtuna

Lucy Clarkson hits the beach

2006-12-10T04:30:00.000-08:00

Lucy Clarkson and a good pal look like they're having a great time at the beach in Mallorca, Spain. You know you’ve found a really good friend when they’re willing to help you pick sand out of your crotch. Thanks for the great memories ladies.

Source: Hornyoyster

Angie's Secret Birthday Gift to Brad

2006-12-10T04:16:00.000-08:00

THAT. IS. TOO. CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks to everybody who sent this in!!

Brad Pitt turns 43 in ten days, Dec. 18 and Angelina Jolie had a secret birthday gift ready for him yesterday afternoon in Ohiopyle, (Bear Run), Pennsylvania. The gift involved Fallingwater, one of architect Frank Lloyd Wright's works, which was designed in 1936 for the family of Pittsburgh department store owner Edgar J. Kaufmann. (Fallingwater is the building behind Brad and Angelina.)

The Pittsburgh Channel has the story:

Brangelina In Town For Pitt’s Secret Birthday Present

The workers at Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater got quite a surprise Thursday afternoon when Brad Pitt and Angelia Jolie showed up for a tour of the estate.

According to a spokesman for Fallingwater, Pitt and Jolie arrived just before 3 p.m. for the tour, Jolie's gift to Pitt for his birthday.

''Brad said he had wanted to experience Fallingwater ever since he took an architectural history course in college,''Fallingwater’s curator of education Cara Armstrong said. ''He and I talked quite a bit about design and art. He was incredibly well-informed about architecture.''

The couple took a two-hour private focused tour, led by Armstrong, who described the couple as ''very gracious and very engaged in the house.''

''Brad said he had a visual sense of Fallingwater but experiencing it in person, hearing the sound of the waterfall cascading under the house and smelling the wood from the fireplace was better than anything he could have imagined,'' Armstrong said.

After the tour, Jolie had arranged to have champagne and caviar sent in, which the couple shared in a private birthday celebration in Fallingwater’s living room. Afterward, they invited the staff to join them and encouraged them to take the ''snacks'' home.

Arrangements for the visit began about a week before Thanksgiving when staff at Fallingwater received a call from Jolie's personal assistant in Asia.

Source: just jared

Kevin Federline Family Man

2006-12-10T04:12:00.000-08:00

In a recent statement taken by voraciously ethical and truthful gossip reporters, Kevin Federline alleges he is indeed a family man. At present, a team of linguists are still working to determine the definition of family. Is it a nuclear unit of humans that live together in a nurturing stable environment, or a trail of white trash spawn, abandoned and forgotten like puppies in the river? We may never know.

Kevin Federline wants you to know that he's not 100 percent pimp. In an interview with E! News, he claims, ''I am a family man and that is me, that is the truth, that is in all honesty.''

Kevin Federline isn't fit to care for a lump of coal, let alone anything that breathes and requires food. Between Britney and Kevin, it's a wonder Sean and Jayden haven’t worked out a plan to escape that involves a marbles, a makeshift ladder, a cell phone, the family dog and dressing up in little tuxedos while playing musical instruments. Babies in tuxedos are cute!

So what does Kristen Bell have to do with Britney and Kevin? Nothing. She's just so cute it makes me giggle.

Source: fatback and collards

Mischa Barton is Depressed

2006-12-10T03:49:00.000-08:00

National Enquirer is about as reliable as a condom with rug burns. That said, they have a rumor that young actress Mischa Barton is depressed. Since leaving “The O.C.'', she feels as though her life is growing out of control.

Troubled beauty Mischa Barton has been so depressed she's threatened suicide, even saying she'd kill her beloved dog, according to gossip blogger Janet Charlton.

However, Mischa's publicist Dominique Appel denies that Mischa was suicidal or had threatened her dog. Appel told The ENQUIRER that ''the bandaged wrist was the result of her accidental encounter with a broken glass.''

But a source told The ENQUIRER: ''She's in a bad place right now.''

Aww. Depwessed? Bad Pwace? Bad place my ass. Jesus girl, the dog too? You're pretty well fucked up, but what does that have to do with your dog? I guess money, success and beauty can't buy happiness. Whatever. You're rich, pretty and really, really famous. I have some therapy for you. Suck. It. Up. Please shut the fuck up and stay away from your dog.

It's always the skinny, white rich bitches who cry the loudest. You know that fat chick with the pizza face who works at the food court when you go on $20K shopping sprees? Yeah, well she would carve out and eat her own liver to live one day in your entitled, undeserving strappy sandals. You don't need counseling, you need a god damn black eye. Let me see you out whining about anything. I will physically tackle you, girl. I promise. Brat.

Source: fatback and collards

Paris Hilton wants to reproduce

2006-12-10T03:46:00.000-08:00

Paris Hilton's biological clock is ticking like this.. The socialite claims she's ready for motherhood because she's good with animals and Britney's kids.

The partying heiress says that hanging around with her new best friend, Britney Spears, and Spears' two tykes has made her want to reproduce.

''It's been my dream to have four babies by 30,'' the 25-year-old heiress announced, reports Life & Style Weekly. And Hilton thinks she’s highly qualified for motherhood, explaining: ''I look after animals, so I'd have a lot to give my kids''

So that automatically qualifies her for parent-teacher conferences? Kids are just like animals, except with less hair. You just have to feed them once in a while and make sure their cages are clean, right? Paris has a better chance of winning the Nobel Prize for virginity than to successfully rear a child. I can see Paris trading her child to a Colombian drug cartel by mistake. Not to mention the court generally rules against a cocaine-filled hotel room equipped with night vision cameras as a stable, nurturing environment. She quickly qualified for this week's FB&C MINLTF, mom I would not like to fraggle. Ick! Here are some pics of that Paris Hilton Imposter in Playboy because no one needs to see Paris Hilton naked again.

Source: fatback and collards

Scarlett Johansson To Eventually Appear Nude On Screen!?

2006-12-10T03:32:00.000-08:00

This is probably the best celebrity news item I've heard all year. The boobalicious Scarlett Johansson has stated in a recent interview that she plans to bare it all on the big screen.

She said: ''I'm still making up my mind about when I'll do a nude scene. I'm not opposed to doing nudity, it would just have to be the right project, maybe some sensational European art film.''

She added: ''I'm proud of my breasts. I call them my girls. They're my charms, my feminine wiles. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, my body and my face. Well, not always my face, but it's stuck there and there's nothing I can do about it.''

You're 100% right Scarlett; your breasts are awesome. Anyways, words cannot describe how I, and probably the whole male population, feel about this. So, I direct you to this video to give you an idea.

Source: Popoholic

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn Break Up

2006-12-10T02:57:00.000-08:00

ooks like Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have split up. In real life. I thought they denied they were ever dating, and now they release a statement?

''Jennifer and Vince mutually agreed to end their relationship but continue to be good friends today,'' said representatives Stephen Huvane and John Pisani, according to People.com.

Ok, now that that's all out of the way, check out these sexy pictures of Jennifer Aniston. By the way, has anyone ever noticed that when an actress has a break up, they appear in sexy photoshoots soon after? Happens all the time. I guess it's their way of showing they ''still got it''. Here's hoping Jessica Alba gets dumped.

Source: Popoholic

The bra Jessica Alba wore in Sin City is up for sale on eBay

2006-12-03T03:50:00.000-08:00

The bra Jessica Alba wore in Sin City is up for sale on eBay. Let me repeat that. The bra that covered up Jessica Alba's breasts in Sin City is up for sale. Don’t bother bidding though; I'm going to win. By the way, bra size: 34B... that's the perfect measurement.

Source: popoholic

More Keeley Hazell Pictures

2006-12-03T03:44:00.000-08:00

Keeley Hazell Does Madonna

2006-12-03T03:38:00.000-08:00

If the guys over at Zoo Magazine continue to release Keeley Hazell pictures like these ones here, they're going to put Viagra out of business. In the previous ''Keeley Does Popstars'' post, we saw Keeley dress up as Christina Aguilera, Kylie Minogue, and Britney Spears. In this new batch, she's doing her best early 90's Madonna impression. The only real difference is that Keeley is actually sexy.

I've also posted two incredibly hot videos of keeley once again frolicking as famous pop stars. And if you're interested in a NSFW version of Keeley's Madonna shoot (and who isn't?), head over to the Zoo Magazine Website and enjoy her whammers.

Source: popoholic

Britney Spears give bonus for fan, boobs and .....

2006-12-01T06:34:00.000-08:00

Jessica Simpson on E-Bay

2006-12-01T06:26:00.000-08:00

An extra on the set of Jessica Simpson's movie, Employee of the Month, is auctioning off a chewed piece of Jessica's gum. No wonder she's only an extra.

The blonde actress discarded the candy as she was preparing to shoot a kissing scene with her co-star Dane Cook in their movie ''Employee of the Month.''

Jessica, 26, gave the gum to an extra on set who rather than throw it away has decided to make a quick buck.

''Jessica was chewing gum when shooting started and asked if we would mind her putting her gum in a napkin on our table.''

''I joked that I would sell it on eBay. She said, 'Go for it. You might make 99 cents.' ''

''Here's that pale blue gum. It was in her mouth so it has her DNA on it so you can clone her.''

The seller will also provide a letter of authenticity, some gossip from the film and a “head shot to the winning bidder so that they have proof that I am sitting next to Jessica in the movie.''

Bidding currently stands at $56. Auction ends Dec.4.

This is like the time I lost my glasses once at camp…except it isn't like that time because I would change glasses to 'virginity' and lost to 'forced myself on the camp counselor'. Not only does this 'extra' now have enough germs to classify for level 5 containment, but she clearly lacks what we essentially take for granted…a fucking clue. Everybody knows you have to cut her hair while she gently sleeps off the GHB you slipped in her drink. So peaceful. Soft, soft hair.

Wait, did she say clone Jessica? Social decay, nuclear warfare, George Bush and botox made the list, but I'm pretty sure Jessica Simpson was not in Revelation as a sign of apocalypse. Unless of course she's the antichrist. Which would be sweet. Bless her heart.

Source: fatback and collards

Jennifer Garner back in SuperSpy Shape

2006-12-01T06:23:00.000-08:00

Smokin' hot new mommy and Alias alum Jennifer Garner is back in superspy shape which qualifies her for the FB&C Sexy Southern Girl of the Week (FBCSSGW). How did she get so hot so fast after having her cute-as-a-button little peanut of a baby? Why breast feeding, of course. She's one sexy MI…wait for it...LF. Legendary.

She credits nursing, moderate exercise, and eating correctly for allowing her to lose the weight. Jennifer said, ''[I lost weight] breastfeeding! That and a moderate exercise and eating plan with the help of my personal trainer.''

So I guess 50 cigarettes a day, coke and all night boozing are not the way to get your figure back after having a baby. Hrm. What’s amazing about Jennifer Garner is that she just had a baby and still looks like she could kick a hole in your skull from four feet away. She’s also conspicuously not at any LA or NYC hotspots drinking till all hours and flashing the world with a razor burned scarred coochie. Which also qualifies her for FBCMILF of the century.

Source: fatback and collards

Victoria Beckham Has The Worst Celebrity Legs?!!! Gimme A Break

2006-12-01T06:13:00.000-08:00

Victoria Beckham has the WORST celebrity legs, a poll reveals. The former Spice Girl tops a list of shame that also includes Madonna, size zero IT girl Nicole Richie and Nadine Coyle from Girls Aloud. But actress Kelly Brook tops the ''best legs'' chart, followed by supermodel Kate Moss and US singer Beyonce.
Source

I'd like to get one thing straight! Victoria Beckham does not have the worst celebrity legs. This poll is probably one of the most absurd polls ever taken. I mean, where's Rosie O’Donnell? Oprah Winfrey? Star Jones? If anything, Victoria has one of the best set of legs in showbiz. Sure they are skinny but man they're toned and defined as well. Carrying all that funbag weight up top is bound to give the legs a great workout.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Lindsay Lohan Is An Alcoholic? No Way!

2006-12-01T02:33:00.000-08:00

Hollywood party girl Lindsay Lohan is receiving alcohol counseling in a bid to stay sober, according to reports. The star was recently snapped sporting an Alcoholics Anonymous badge, and sources claim she visited a group therapy session with the organization in Los Angeles yesterday morning.

Poor Lindsay Lohan. It seems that the last few years of having to get up at the crack of noon for movie shoots, multi-million dollar paychecks and the general stress of having everything a person could possibly want by age 18 has driven her to drink. I don't know what she’s doing wasting her time at AA meetings though. Just give me one week with the girl and I promise you she'll be straight as an arrow when we’re done. I can also promise you she'll be walking funny for a while too. Hey, my therapy isn't free you know! Sheesh!

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Britney Spears, please wear panties!

2006-11-30T06:34:00.000-08:00

Britney Spears Upskirt No Panties the third time this week. Or she want to porn star.

2006-11-30T06:15:00.000-08:00

Britney Spears Upskirt No Panties the third time this week, She really wasn't wearing underwear. I don't want to said anything

Newly Single Hilary Duff With Newly Shaped Teeth?

2006-11-29T05:40:00.000-08:00

When Hilary Duff stepped out last year with a long face, it wasn't because the singer-actress was down in the dumps - it was that her newly veneered teeth were too big for her mouth! ''She probably had her teeth recontoured or reshaped to fit her smile,'' says Apa of Hil’s smaller, narrower smile. ''Now you look at her cute smile rather than focusing on her large teeth. She looks much prettier!''

When I first read this article the first thing that popped in my head was that maybe yesterday's reports were untrue about Joel Madden being dumped by Hilary Duff. Maybe he was the one who actually did the dumping after she developed some bad, um, oral habits back when she wielded those big chompers (yeah, you know what I'm talking about)?

But that can't be true. No way. No one in their right mind would ever dump Hilary - even if she is prone to using teeth. So here's my theory about what really prompted the split: she tolerated her poseur boyfriend until she got her teeth fixed, and once she did, she realized she could do a lot better. And when I say ''a lot better,'' I'm talking about yours truly. In fact, as I type this I’m sitting by my phone waiting for Hilary's inevitable call. Yup, it’s great being me.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Jordan's Vocal Talents Are As Fake As Her Breasts

2006-11-29T05:32:00.000-08:00

The famous couple (Jordan and Peter Andre) have released a duets album today, November 27th. The album is entitled A whole new world and is a charity album with all proceedings going to their chosen charities due to the poor health condition of Jordan's son Harvey.

Let me just start by saying I have nothing but respect for Jordan and her husband for donating the proceeds of her album to charity. I just wish they would have picked another medium to raise funds with. Couldn't they have recorded a sex tape instead? Just think of how many sick kids could have been helped with the millions of dollars this video would have raised. Now think about the twenty-nine bucks and change they're actually going to raise by selling this piece of shit album. After watching the first (and hopefully last) music video from the album, I honestly don't think I've ever seen such a cheesy display. Not to mention the fact that the music itself has about as much soul as a frozen hockey puck. And to any of you fooled into thinking that Jordan can actually sing, watch her live performance here. Absolutely hilarious! Yes, a sex tape would have been much better. Jordan's breasts are much more talented that her vocal chords.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

The Only Guns Lindsay Lohan Should Bring To Iraq Are The Ones In Her Bra

2006-11-29T04:55:00.000-08:00

Mean Girls star Lindsay Lohan is taking shooting lessons ahead of her trip to war-torn Iraq. The movie actress, 20, actress will be visiting Iraq on Dec 6, to entertain the US troops deployed there, and claims knowing how to handle a gun is essential before that.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but while in Iraq, if it gets to the point where those gun lessons actually come in handy, I doubt firing straight will be at the top of Lindsay Lohan’s concerns. I think the 50 Iraqi insurgents surrounding her and her dead security detail would take the top spot. If you ask me, freckly, large breasted party girls belong in war zones about as much as Kramer does speaking at an NAACP meeting.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

After Britney Spears Upskirt No Panties, This is Paris Hilton Upskirt OHHH with Panties!

2006-11-28T05:40:00.000-08:00

After Britney Spears Upskirt No Panties, This is Paris Hilton Upskirt OHHH with Panties!

Nicole Richie Leaving the Virgin Store

2006-11-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

Nicole Richie Leaving the Virgin Store

Britney Spears takes Sean Preston shopping with Paris Hilton

2006-11-28T05:33:00.000-08:00

Britney Spears takes Sean Preston shopping with Paris Hilton

Mean Girls: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan leaving a club at 5AM!

2006-11-28T05:23:00.000-08:00

I am just as confused as you are? I thought Lindsay was mad at Paris for throwing a drink in her face and now they are BFF's? I have no idea. Maybe Lindsay is confused because apparently she is on alot of drugs, the National Enquirer is saying she suffered a drug overdose on a deadly cocktail of cocaine and painkillers on Nov. 12.

A doctor raced to Hollywood's Chateau Marmont after a friend of the 20-year-old actress found her unconscious in a drug-filled hotel room. Although the doctor was able to revive the hard-partying star, he was horrified to discover a "stash of cocaine and a pile of prescription drugs" in the room, an insider said.

The doctor flushed the cocaine down the toilet and bagged up seven different prescription drugs, according to the insider. "The doctor insisted, 'This girl had a serious drug overdose. She has to go into a hospital and then into rehab.'" Lindsay refused to be treated at a hospital or enter rehab.

Source: bricks and stones

Tom Cruise And Katie Holmes To The Top Of The Chart

2006-11-28T05:18:00.000-08:00

Tom Cruise is to release a record with new wife Katie Holmes, it has been claimed.

The actor - who tied the knot with the actress in Italy this month - has reportedly decided to release a rendition of You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling with Katie after serenading his new wife with the tune at their wedding reception.

A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "Tom's got a great voice. And he loves that song ever since his Top Gun character Maverick sang it to woo his love interest Kelly McGillis.

Katie proved how talented she is musically when she performed in The Singing Detective remake."

Tom's vocal talents did not go unnoticed by several music producers who attended his wedding, and the couple have apparently been offered staggering sums to sign an exclusive record deal.

The only hurdle in the way of their chart success, however, is said to be Tom's obsession with Scientology.

The source added: "Music chiefs know it would be a massive hit so they don't want to lose all the money to a bizarre religious following.

"And record labels are reluctant to be associated with the strange faith. However, Tom is adamant. He said the song is a symbol of their love and Scientology is a basis for their companionship."

Source: celebpics

More Britney Spears parties with Paris Hilton

2006-11-28T04:59:00.000-08:00

More Britney Spears parties with Paris Hilton

Scarlett Johansson's Greedy Birthday

2006-11-28T04:52:00.000-08:00

Scarlett Johansson is celebrating her 22nd birthday (23.11.06).

'The Black Dahlia' actress is extremely excited to have her big day on Thanksgiving because it means she can gorge herself and not feel guilty.

She told the New York Post newspaper: ''It is a joy because you get a big fat feast and then cake and presents and everyone's giving you attention.''

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Jessica Simpson Sex Tape?

2006-11-28T04:23:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles Jessica Simpson has been left reeling by rumours a sex tape starring her is about to be leaked onto the internet. The alleged X-rated home movie is said to show the 'Dukes of Hazzard' actress and her ex-husband Nick Lachey engaged in a number of sex acts.

A source told Britain's Daily Sport newspaper: ''Jessica is horrified her name and sex tape are being mentioned in the same sentence. She's always been a girl of high morals and principles.''

Wow, another alleged report of a leaked celebrity sex tape. And not just any tape. A Jessica Simpson sex tape! Am I shocked? No. But this further strengthens my belief that celebrities are complete morons. Normal people like you and me don't feel the need bring video cameras with us into the bedroom. If we do though, we lock the tape up afterwards. And if we forget to, we don't label it ''OUR SEX TAPE - PLEASE STEAL AND THEN SELL'' and then leave it on the coffee table for the maid, gardener, butler or burglars to find. At least the public has had the privilege of seeing attractive stars get humiliated in amateur home videos. But everyone knows it's only a matter of time before Rosie O'Donnell leaves a tape lying around, and then we'll all be sorry.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Pamela Anderson And Kid Rock Are Done

2006-11-28T04:06:00.000-08:00

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actress Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from rap singer Kid Rock after four months of marriage, a pair of celebrity magazines reported on Monday. ''Pamela filed for divorce last week,'' Anderson's publicist, Tracy Nguyen, told People magazine. '' It wasn’t a happy Thanksgiving.''

Yawn. Is it me or are celebrities starting to get boring? Between copycat nose jobs, bad homemade sex tapes, rampant infidelity, and dizzying divorce rates, this breed is getting mighty predictable. Here's my sage advice to Pamela Anderson, Kid Rock, and all you other celebs out there: if you want to do something bold and shocking, try being NORMAL! Now that would make our jaws to drop and maybe even land you on the cover of a magazine other than Us Weekly.

Is it any wonder these affairs end so quickly when the time period between meeting, engagement, and marriage is usually shorter than most people’s one night stands? C'mon Kid, did you really think this would last? Or were you just blinded by Pam's enormous breasts, and mistook the throbbing in your groin for the beating of your heart?

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Cameron Richardson Is Jambalaya Hot.

2006-11-27T09:54:00.000-08:00

Jambalaya! Hang on to your bootstraps; it's time again for FB&C Sexy Southern Girl of the Week (FBCSSGW). This is Cameron Richardson and she's a gin-u-wine lass from the bayous of Looziana. She's also fucking hot. I ran across her when I was searching for my ''Cajun Queens'' photo spread I shot last winter and according to the infinitely knowledgeable IMDB, she's an actress who's been in movies no one gives a shit about except if there were nude scenes. She was also was named #52 on Maxim's Hot 100 of 2005 list which puts her on this girl's list automatically. I was ranked #3 on the national list of women who show the goods for two vodka crans, only to be beat out by two biker skanks with money enough to pay off the judges. Fucking politics. Oh, and I've taken first place at the Harley Davidson Biker Babe Bash three years running. Eat your heart out, fellas.
Here's some NSFW photos of Cameron.

Source: fatback and collards

Mmm... Kelly Brook Bikini Pictures

2006-11-27T09:44:00.000-08:00

Here's model/actress/lingerie designer Kelly Brook prancing around on the beach in a bikini. Now these pictures are a year old but hey, it's November and nothing warms me up more than seeing hot candid photos of one of the most beautiful women on the planet. Besides, after those nasty Britney Spears upskirt pictures we all could use a little Kelly Brook to get the bad taste out of our mouths.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Britney Spears Upskirt Part 2: No Panties

2006-11-27T09:38:00.000-08:00

I told myself I wouldn't have Britney Spears pollute this site anymore after last week's upskirt pictures. So let's just pretend this is an extension of that post except this time she decided not to wear any panties at all. Now I'm glad you really don't see much because a Britney Spears' vagina wouldn't have sat well with me after all that left over turkey from Thanksgiving Day. Warning! Make sure you look at these on an empty stomach.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Lucy Pinder Plasters Michelle Marsh's Breasts

2006-11-26T04:43:00.000-08:00

So here we have some pictures of Lucy Pinder plastering Michelle Marsh's breasts with... umm... plaster! It's great that these two bimbos are such good friends. They do everything together, it's so cute. Let's see, they've already given each other sex lessons, jumped out of a gigantic birthday cake together, French kissed, pretended to lick each others nipples, and now made a golden boob mold. I can't wait to see what their next joint venture will be. I just hope the laws in my state permit me to view it.

hollywoodtuna.com

Paris Hilton Teaches Britney Spears How To Pose For Upskirt Pictures

2006-11-26T04:32:00.000-08:00

OK, I'm officially sick of Britney Spears! I never wrote about the girl before, and I thought that ''maybe'' she was headed in the right direction after her split with K-Fed but I'm starting to think that she was better off with him, than without him. I mean, look at her! She's with Paris Hilton, drunk, wearing a tacky leopard print dress and blue panties. Drastic times call for drastic measures, and now I have to play the part of the bad guy. For polluting a page on my respectable website with such terrible pictures, for marrying a dumbass, and for teasing us by pretending to be hot again, I'm forced to impose a Britney ban. It may last 1 week or it may be permanent. I haven't decided yet. She's got some real sucking up to do.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Thank Salma Hayek For Her Breasts Day

2006-11-26T04:11:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing we should be thankful for today, it's Salma Hayek's Breasts! Move over Elizabeth Hurley, Salma Hayek is now the proud owner of the sexiest pair of breasts in Hollywood. Just look at them. They're big, round and big, and ready to pop out. And seriously, how cool is she for always showing them to us? Thanks Salma!

If you want to see Salma's huge breasts in action, check out this video of her undressing on the TV show Ugly Betty. Trust me, it's worth the click.

Source: popoholic.com

Be Thankful For Lucy Pinder & Michelle Marsh's Sex Lessons

2006-11-23T07:27:00.000-08:00

I know I usually like to save my British babe posts for Friday but it is Thanksgiving and honestly what better way to celebrate than by getting sex lessons from UK'�s finest Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh. I mean, it sure beats eating turkey. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Bisexual Britney Spears? Britney's Sex Plot Thickens

2006-11-23T07:17:00.000-08:00

Emily here y'all. Fatback is down south this week stirring up some news and corrupting sorority girls with his southern charm. Reports are spinning that Britney Spears has plans to release a homemade sex tape with soon-to-be ex-husband Kevin Federline in an effort to prevent Kevin from making profit from the sale.

The 'Toxic' singer was left fuming after Kevin reportedly threatened to sell the X-rated footage - which is said to feature the couple romping on their honeymoon - to online porn mogul David Hans Schmidt.
To prevent the former dancer from profiting from the footage, which could be worth up to 120 million, Britney has apparently made the decision to give it away for free.

Kevin, 28, allegedly offered the footage to Schmidt - who has been involved with several other celebrity sex tapes, including those of Colin Farrell and Paris Hilton - just a day after Britney filed for divorce.
Schmidt said: Two days after Britney filed for divorce I was contacted by an individual who indicated he had a digital video of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline having sex."

For some reason releasing a sex tape elevates one's celebrity into a category of hot only attainable by Brazilian models with broken English and smiles that will kill a man before dessert. Or, conversely, it casts you down into the category of trashy blondes [somehow always relevant in the media] occupied by Pam Anderson, Tara Reid and Paris Hilton. Either way, you’re headlining movie night at the men’s correctional facility and a goddess to pimple-faced prurient pre-teens. Everyone has goals. Like my goal to trap swoon an aging Saudi Prince and become queen of my own Carribean Island. Dare to dream, Britney.

Source: fatbackandcollards

Christina Aguilera's Strip Show Hits The Road

2006-11-22T06:39:00.000-08:00

Pop singer Christina Aguilera's 'Back To Basics' tour will reportedly see her do a sultry strip tease routine - one, in which she will remove a flapper dress to reveal a vintage 20's swimsuit. According to inside reports, the show will be broken into three sections; 1920s, Juke Joint and Circus, and will feature the 'Dirrty' singer in over 15 scantily clad costumes. In one of the racier numbers, 'Nasty Naughty Boy,' Aguilera dressed in a bra and shorts, will bring a male audience member onstage and will shows off her S&M side by using five whips and a burning Wheel of Death.

This would be a pretty exciting show if it were 1998. I mean, the whole grab a guy on stage and tease him has been used many times before (ie, Janet Jackson, Jessica Simpson etc...). In this day and age, it's pretty tame. It would be nice if Christina Aguilera would be an innovator and step it up a notch by including a lesbian erotic couple show and then giving her male audience members what they really want: naked lap dances. Now that's a concert I would go to. I'd even pay a little extra too.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Jessica Alba Is The Sexiest Substitute

2006-11-22T05:40:00.000-08:00

She's not only one of the sexiest young stars in Hollywood, but as a new National Education Association online poll found out, actress Jessica Alba is also the celeb people would love to see as their substitute teacher. The 'Fantastic Four' actress topped the poll by bagging approximately 46 percent of the votes.

I keep smashing my own head against the wall at the thought of this poll becoming a reality. I mean, I would've KILLED for someone that looks like Jessica Alba to be my substitute teacher back in high school. If she were my teacher I know three things for sure: I wouldn't get a shred of work done, I'd have to strategically position my binders over my crotch every time I stood up, and bad porno music would be playing over and over in my head all through class. Oh yeah, and I'd have to excuse myself every five minutes to go take care of some ''business'' in the bathroom. Or however long it would take to, er, ''reload'' - although with Jessica as my teacher that could be anywhere between 30 to 60 seconds at the most.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Is Jessica Simpson Drunk On Love?

2006-11-22T05:32:00.000-08:00

After a false start, Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are giving dating a try again. The couple met up for an hour-long lunch at Paradise Cove Beach Cafe in Malibu, California, on November 12.

''She didn't eat much,'' a witness says. ''She drank double vodka cranberries. When they got up, Jessica was rubbing his back. You could definitely tell they were on a date.'' Mayer left a $40 tip on the $100 bill.

That John Mayer is very smooth, and seems to have an arsenal of tricks up his sleeve to win Jessica Simpson's love. The guy is a multi-million selling recording artist. You'd think that in itself would have most girls kissing his feet, but wait, there's more. By leaving such a huge tip, it shows her that he's generous too. More points for Johnny boy! And finally, what better way to win a fair maiden's heart than by getting her liquored up on double vodkas in the middle of the afternoon! I've used this same technique myself when wooing a lady, and the outcome is guaranteed nudity. I prefer to buy them triples though. I don't like leaving anything to chance.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Tia Carrere: The Original Queen Of ''Schwing!'' Is Back!

2006-11-22T05:21:00.000-08:00

Remember Wayne and Garth head-banging along to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody in the Wayne's World movie? That flick had no shortage of memorable,''excellent!''moments. But let’s be honest here; what I remember most about that movie was being 16 years-old and falling in love with Tia Carrere. But then she scraped bottom on bad syndicated TV shows and direct-to-video movies, and a few random tabloid photos over the years suggested that the Tia I once knew and loved had fallen prey to gravity and doughnuts.

But now, ladies and gentleman, may I present to you the new, improved Tia Carrere. All it took were some souped up body parts (I’ll let you guess which) and a see-through top to thrust her back in the spotlight. I hope all you washed-up celebrities are taking notice. You can learn something from Tia.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Where the Hell Is Eliza Dushku?

2006-11-22T05:08:00.000-08:00

I don't know where Eliza Dushku has been hiding, but it's about time she got her ass into a photoshoot. And it's one heck of a photoshoot. The last row of pictures pretty much makes up for Eliza's absence. Sorry for the size of the pictures, I know they’re small but they affect me in a big way.

Source: popoholic.com

Miss Britain 2006 Danielle Lloyd

2006-11-22T05:05:00.000-08:00

In case you guys didn't know, Danielle Lloyd holds the title of Miss Britain 2006. She IS hot, but I'll tell you what she ISN'T: Smart.

When asked ''Who was Winston Churchill - a rapper, US President, the PM or King?'', Lloyd answered ''Wasn't he the first black president of America? There's a statue of him near me - that's black.''

Obviously she's not a Horny Oyster Girl for her math skills.

Source: hornyoyster.com

Sophie Howard is a KNOCKOUT! (excuse the cliche)

2006-11-22T04:42:00.000-08:00

I actually think Sophie Howard would make a pretty good female boxer. She looks like she's in good shape. And if one of her punches doesn't K.O. her opponent, she can always swing one of her tits. If she connects squarely with one of them, it's lights out for the opposition. I mean c'mon, they must be like potato sacks full of wet sand!

Source: hornyoyster.com

The new Lara Croft, Karima Adebibe

2006-11-22T04:36:00.000-08:00

The new Lara Croft, Karima Adebibe, is back in this brand new spanking gallery. Is this all Karima Adebibe does? Get her pictures taken in Lara Croft costumes and bikinis? Well, that's fine by me!

Source: popoholic.com

Kirsten Dunst Has Nipples

2006-11-22T04:24:00.000-08:00

This is Kirsten Dunst and her attempt to distract you from her mangled mouth. If her nightmarish fangs weren't already...well...the stuff of nightmares, her inverted right nipple in this dress should top it off. On any other female (except Cameron Diaz and J-Lo, natch) this would be a non-issue, but on Dumpst it's akin to the Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors. The upper half of Kirsten Dunst is a hideous vampire-thing and the lower half is a Venus Flytrap. It's the best of both worlds, if by "best" you mean "Hell" and "both worlds" you mean "Ralph" and "Barf."

Source: idontlikeyouinthatway.com

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie's Boat Ride in Mumbai

2006-11-22T04:15:00.000-08:00

Family fun time! Brad Pitt, carrying daughter Zahara, almost 2, and Angelina Jolie, holding 5-year-old son Maddox's hand, enjoyed a boat ride together and then walked along the Gateway of India earlier this morning in Mumbai. I love how there are dozens of people gawking from the Gateway! If I loved in India, I'd probably be doing the same thing. Ha!

Nice headband/handkerchief, Bradley...

Source: justjared.com

Jennifer Lopez's Weight Loss?

2006-11-22T04:04:00.000-08:00

Jennifer Lopez and hubby Marc Anthony attended last night's Los Angeles Free Clinic Dinner Gala at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles. The swank event honored Paramount Pictures Corporation Chairman and CEO Brad Grey. Looks to me like Jenny from the block lost some weight but she sure looks smashing!

Us Weekly reported Jennifer's diva-like behavior at Tom and Katie's wedding this past weekend: ''Tom and Katie kindly arranged for a private plane to bring some of their more famous friends to Italy for their wedding. Hours before Jada Pinkett Smith, Leah Remini and Cameron Crowe boarded, Jennifer Lopez sent her assistant to lay all her belongings on all the best seats!... The pre-wedding welcome dinner [at Nino restaurant on Thursday night] was supposed to be casual. But Jennifer, of course, wore a gown. So much for casual!''

Source: justjared.com

Scarlett Johansson Has Bad Taste In Women

2006-11-22T03:56:00.000-08:00

Scarlett Johansson thinks Uma Thurman has the perfect body. The Black Dahlia star - who has recently hit out against the current trend in Hollywood for skinny actresses - admits she was blown away by the Kill Bill star's amazing physique when she first saw her on the big screen. However, Scarlett, 21, acknowledges she will never be able to look like her idol because they have such different physiques. She told Cosmopolitan magazine.

Well that was very nice of Scarlett Johansson to throw and old dog a bone like she did by complimenting Uma Thurman's ''perfect'' body. Oops did I say dog? Honestly that's not what I meant. Don't get me wrong, Uma Thurman definitely isn't ugly, but she’s not in the same league looks wise as Scarlett. I know it, you know it, and yes, Scarlett knows it too. She's just being overly humble, which I suppose isn't a bad thing, but gimme a break! She's been voted Sexiest Woman Alive! I think that entitles her to brag about how hot her body is. If anyone was stupid enough to argue with her, one flash of Scarlett's breasts would end that argument quick.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com

Paris Hilton: Britney Spears Sex Tape Consultant?

2006-11-22T03:47:00.000-08:00

When I first saw these pictures of Britney Spears hanging around with Paris Hilton, I was a little bit confused. Seeing as she just got burned by K-Fed, I was certain she would avoid D-listers like the plague. Well after thinking it over, I can only surmise that Britney needed advice on how to handle the impending sex tape scandal she's about to face. And who better to advise her than Paris? I guess most women would be offended if they were considered gurus of sleazy home made sex tapes. Not Paris! She's just happy to be hanging onto that last string of relevance she's been dangling from these past few years.

Source: hollywoodtuna.com