Quickies: Keira's Weighty Issues and More ... (Celebrity Secrets)

Keira Knightley may have abs you can bounce a quarter off of and gams so long they can pull off the skinniest of this season's loathsome skinny jeans, but even she is not immune to Hollywood's you-can-never-be-too-thin credo. "I'm twice the size, height and everything else of most of the other actresses who are going for an audition," the fat-free "Pride and Prejudice" starlet tells New Woman magazine (via the London Mirror). "It's mad, isn't it? When you realize that even at my size I'm one of the largest there. You think, 'This is ridiculous!'" (Even more ridiculous? That she's still going in for auditions after her Oscar nod.) According to Keira, "There is a lot of pressure -- it's like you've got to be perfect." But the actress, who has admitted her stomach is the only part of her body she likes, isn't about to cast scones, uh, stones at those who are misguidedly trying to achieve an unrealistic and unhealthy skin-and-bones ideal. " ... [I]f someone is making themselves ill you should feel sorry for them, not slate them," she says.

"Men who like to shop too much are suspect -- not for being gay but for being vain and self-involved." That's the former pink diamond-flashing, Bentley-driving Jennifer Lopez discussing her experience with big spenders in the May issue of Harper's Bazaar. Retail therapy apparently isn't a problem with husband Marc Anthony, whom she credits with being a calming influence on her once mile-a-minute, A-list life. "He makes me slow down and eat lunch, which I used not to do," says Jen (by the by, the gaunt Latin crooner might want to follow his own food advice). "We have different philosophies. I've been so disciplined. His process is 'Chill, don't kill yourself.'"

Lindsay Lohan's long-thwarted dream of being a designer spokesmodel finally going to come true? After reportedly trying and failing to ink deals with both Chanel and Louis Vuitton, the couture-addicted starlet is now hoping to land a contract with Versace, reports Fashion Week Daily. "I'm going to spend time with Donatella on her boat," explains Lindsay, referring to the firm's tanorexic boss, who has previously tapped the more mature stumping services of Madonna, Halle Berry and Demi Moore. But the teen queen is quick to add she's yet to sign on the dotted line, as is a rep for the design house, who tells FWD "nothing has been decided yet."

And finally, April may only be half-over, but we already have two strong contenders for the most knuckleheaded celebrity statement of the month. First up is Evangeline Lilly, who reveals to Elle what an incredible burden it is to be beautiful. "I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wishing I was ugly because of the way men leered and disrespected me, because they assumed things about my mental capacity or my physical willingness based on the way I look," the "Lost" star laments. Paris Hilton, meanwhile, proves to Elle UK that she's not suffering from those pesky self-esteem problems that plague so many young women. "I've always had a great voice," the stubbornly popular starlet says of her warbling, which is showcased on her long-delayed album, due out this summer. "You either have it or you don't. It's something you're born with. I'm a brand, a model, an artiste, an actress, a designer. I write books."

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