Christina Aguilera gets Naked for the Lord

Friday, February 09, 2007

Christina Aguilera recently told talk show host Ellen DeGeneres that she and husband Jordan Bratman keep their marriage spicy by being entirely naked on Sundays.

"We have something called naked Sundays."

"Excuse me?" DeGeneres asks. "Did you say naked Sundays?"

"You have to keep marriage alive, spice it up," says Aguilera, admitting that some added heat is required even though the two have only been married for "a big whole year."

"[In November] we just celebrated our first anniversary, and on Sundays we just do everything in the house, and we're just cozy and laid back," she says. "We don't need to go anywhere, we're just with each other." We do everything naked. We cook naked."

That is simultaneously the best and worst news I have ever heard. On one hand you have Christina Aguilera frolicking naked like a pixie witch in defiance of the Lord and the Sabbath, and on the other hand she's getting man handled the whole time by a ham fisted creature from middle earth. It's a heart-rending dichotomy- that at once personifies true beauty and true evil - which unceasingly burdens your soul. Kinda like feeling razor stubble when that hot chick you met at the cowboy bar goes down on you. Here's Christina at Hyde on Puxatawny Phil Day.

Source: fatback and collards

5:36 AM :: 0 comments

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janangel :: permalink

Lindsay Lohan Confused About Rehab

Lindsay Lohan is apparently not taking well to rehab at the Wonderland Rehabilitation facility in LA where she entered into a program for "addictions" earlier this month. Us Weekly got glimpse of a text message that she sent to Brody Jenner from the inside.

We've eye-balled one particularly flirtatious sext-message that Lohan sent Jenner - former flame of Kristin Cavallari, Nicole Richie and Lauren Conrad - last Saturday night in which the 12-stepper, among other requests, texted that all she wanted was "McDonald's and sex."

Wait? She's in rehab? I thought she was coming and going as she pleases, eating what she wants , doing drugs and drinking straight vodka at dance parties. That's only rehab if you're the Zodiac killer.

Source: fatback and collards

5:34 AM :: 0 comments

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janangel :: permalink

Supernova Failed To Reach Critical Mass

Reality show supergroup offspring Supernova didn't make the headlines quite as planned. In fact their flaccidly hyped album, which should have been a rock icon wet dream, failed to break thorugh the Billboard Top 100 this week. Supenova. the bell tolls for thee. Jugga junn junn. Jugga junn JUNN.

Rock Star: Supernova, the latest spawn of reality guru Mark Burnett's Rock Star franchise, had all the earmarks of a true supergroup - members from Motley Crue, Metallica and Guns N' Roses; a high-profile personality in drummer Tommy Lee; and a predecessor in INXS, whose "Rock Star" success with lead singer, J.D. Fortune, garnered a Top 20 album and a sold-out tour.

The reason Supernova didn't flourish is simple: they bumped out ultra hot rockers Storm Large and Dilana. Those girls were smokin' hot and both look like they could handle themselves in a fight and could get rid of a body if neceesary. Even if their music sucked, who wouldn't pay to watch them crawl around on stage in black leather, low-cut tees and wildly colored hair singing distressed tunes of love unrequited. Hell, I'd pay to see them fight. Everyone loves a good chick fight. Rrreow.

Source: fatback and collards

5:15 AM :: 0 comments

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janangel :: permalink

Courtney Love to Judge American Idol

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

American Idol is getting a new judge. Amidst rumors that vehemently crazy dingdong Paula Abdul may be getting fired, Courtney Love has officially announced that she will be a judge on the hit reality show this season.

Love reveals to her favorite magazine Web site that Idol's executive producer Nigel Lythgoe called her office last week inquiring into whether she would be interested in sitting in as a judge on the hit FOX show.

"He called," Love tells Usmagazine.com. "He was wondering if I was interested. I thought it was kind of weird but brilliant."

Another source from the catacombs under my house revealed that Nigel Lythgoe is actually Lord Voldemort and that this is all part of his deadly endgame. Asking Courtney Love to judge a singing contest makes about as much sense as asking her not to eat buckets of drugs or be a hideous hag who won't stop unfurling her vagina parts in front of live audiences.

There was a time when Courtney Love was pretty hot and damn right do-able. Wait. I mean, OH MY GOD DON'T HURT ME. I tried to find some non-crazy images of Courtney Love, but after about 9 seconds Googling I went fucking insane and killed my neighbor with a can of anchovies packed in olive oil. To be fair, he was kind of a dick. I need a nap because my eyes are burning with the flames of hellfire.

Source: fatback and collards

7:08 AM :: 0 comments

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janangel :: permalink

Katharine McPhee is a Hooker

...or at least those boots are. Damn Girl. Thats's the album cover for Krazy Kat's new album, which drops today and is filed under the genres of "Sucks" and "Who Cares". And don't be thinking I'm some kind of Kat Hater or Talyor Hicks luvah. I just hate shitty music.

I'm quite sure I defied the laws of physics trying to see under Katharine's dress. But I have an eerie feeling when I got under there, I'd find a chastity belt of pure American steel that reads, "Not this rainbow, fucker" then she'd summon the scientology aliens to leave me in a lust-induced coma and walk away with my wallet. That's the mark of a pure sexpot. Lure you in then stab you right in the balls. Aside from that, my only complaint is lack of plunging neckline and copious cleavage. If you got it, flaunt it, sista. I know I do.

More of that DYN-O-MITE cleave.

6:50 AM :: 0 comments

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janangel :: permalink

Tara Conner is a Quitter

Miss America and former party girl Tara Conner is out of rehab and into spinning some PR. Matt Lauer of the Today Show will get the only scheduled live interview on Thursday and a taped interview for Dateline will air Thursday night. In a pre-interview statement picked up by E! news, Tara expounds on being a role model, finding inner peace and her stint in rehab.

''I would not change my past, because it gave me my future,'' she told NBC News in preparation for her chat with Lauer. ''I learned the tools to live a clean and sober life of recovery. From rehab, I gain sobriety.''

Fuck that. She's a 21 year old religiously oppressed southern girl with a great rack and an appetite for destruction. Of course she partied when she got to the big city. That's what they do. Sending a horny 21 year old model to rehab for sex and drugs is like cutting off a unicorn's horn and stabbing him in the eye with it. Then giving him an eye-patch to wear so he thinks that maybe, just maybe, you didn't really mean to do it. Then you laugh at him in front of the other mythical beasts. And he just cries silent tears from his one good eye that hit the ground and turn into black rainbows of dispair as the magic leaves this world forever. Because he's a pussy.

Source: fatback and collards

6:50 AM :: 0 comments

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janangel :: permalink

Better than Paris Hilton again? Really?

Paris Hilton never ceases to 1. amaze me, b. be naked, or Stardate 2517.09. be a filthy spoiled whore. That said, I think if she were held a little more as a child she probably wouldn't be such a drugged out whore. She would just be a plain old vanilla whore like the rest of us. Speaking of filthy vanilla whores, here's an oldie but nudey pic of Paris's’s's's mom classin' up tha jizzoint with some Baby Boomer titties. Rrreow. I love Cat Stevens. And apostrophes'.

Source: fatback and collards