Jessica Simpson: "I Have Amazing Boobs" (Celebrity Secrets)

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Jessica Simpson has definitely left her demure, "good girl" image far behind her. But I guess a divorce will do that to you. Regardless, Jessica Simpson is now planning her own line of lingerie (once again upstaging Ashlee Simpson and her Victoria's Secret deal), as is using her best assets (aka her breasts) to promote the line, reports Tonight.

I have amazing boobs. They're just perfect. At school, my boobs were bigger than all my friends and I was afraid to show them.

Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory.
Oh good old Jessica Simpson, what would we do without you (and your very large breasts)? Of course, if you want to judge for yourself just how "amazing" Jessica Simpson's breasts really are, feel free to peruse these pictures of Jessica Simpson's breats (and nipples) in a see-through dress.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:54 AM :: 0 comments

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Jude Law Dumps Sienna Miller's Crotch (Celebrity Secrets)

According to The New York Post, Jude Law has broken up with Sienna Miller for the last time. Or at least until next Tuesday. Really, it's just a matter of time until the King and Queen of relationship indecision undecide to get back together, or split up again, or whatever. Sienna's "friend," makeup artist Lizabeth Stewart, says Jude dumped her because she couldn't get over the fact that he cheated on her.

Sienna had come round to forgiving Jude and wanted to get married. She wanted to make the relationship happen, to get back to where they were.

But she wanted Jude to understand that if they ever had a row, it's pretty likely she would bring it up. His affair will always be a sore that never completely heals.

The first thing Sienna has to admit is that she can never put the pain of the affair completely out of her mind.

The agony of those dark days following Jude's affair will never go away. She wishes that she could have her memory erased. But even if she could forget, everyone else couldn't.
Whatever, we all know the real story here is this awesome picture (and various close-ups) of Sienna Miller's upskirt crotch shot. Jude and Sienna break up every week, but an upskirt picture of Sienna Miller's panties as she mounts a blue horse is something you only see once every other Wednesday.

Oh, and do yourself a favour and check out the close-up for a real good look at Sienna's very bruised inner thigh. You think that's from riding the horse, or Jude Law?

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:52 AM :: 0 comments

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Jenna Fischer is Cute and so is her Naked Ass (Celebrity Secrets)

So, not only is The Office probably the best comedy series on TV, it also stars Jenna Fischer, probably the cutest girl on TV. She may not be the prettiest, or the hottest, but she is definitely one of the cutest.

It's easy enough to be pretty, and being hot just takes a good metabolism, and a few days at the gym, but cuteness is a quality that you takes something extra. You can't really quantify cuteness in terms of measurements or symetry. It goes beyond that. It goes deeper.

But let's forget about all that and just look at Jenna Fischer's naked ass. If it wasn't for that damn sheet, she'd be totally nude, but this is good enough. I'll tell you one thing, I'll never watch The Office in the same way again.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:51 AM :: 1 comments

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Paris Hilton's Ass... From the Front (Celebrity Secrets)

Okay, if there's one thing worse than Paris Hilton's skanky ass, it's Paris Hilton's skanky ass as seen from the front. Yes, that's right, she isn't turned around, but you can still see her ass.

There's something about these pictures that... what's the word... make me wanna puke. Seriously, I didn't need to see this, but since I had to suffer through it, so do you. Life's a bitch, I know. And so is Paris Hilton.

Update: Well, if having to see Paris Hilton's ass from the wrong side wasn't enough to make you puke, I'm sure this video will. No, there's nothing graphic, except for Paris' horrible "music," and the fact that she seems to think of herself as a "recording artist," and claims she writes her own songs. Yeah, and I'm dating Natalie Portman.

Oh, and I know that this is essentially a commercial for Paris' new album, but please, do the world a favour, exercise some self-restraint, and please, whatever you do, don't buy the damn thing

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:47 AM :: 0 comments

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Scarlett Johansson's Two Scoops (Celebrity Secrets)

So I just saw the new Woody Allen movie, Scoop, starring Scarlett Johansson, and it was really good (or at least one of the better Woody Allen comedies in recent years). Woody was at his utmost Woodiness (okay, that sounds a bit creepy), and Scarlett Johansson can give as good as she gets. The story may not have been groundbreaking, but it was funny, and entertaining, and the ending had a good enough twist.

Of course, this being Egotastic! there has to be more. And trust me, there is. If Woody Allen and his geriatric, paranoid ramblings aren't your thing, there's one scene, in particular, which I'm sure you'll enjoy. It features Scarlett Johansson, a swimming pool, and a red bathing suit. Need I say anymore?

So if you're looking for a smart, fun movie, with narcissistic New York Jewish humor, that just happens to have the stunning Scarlett Johansson in a Baywatchesque swimsuit, this one's for you. Of course, if your tastes are that narrow, it might be hard to find another one.

Anyway, to see what you might be missing, check out these stills of Scarlett Johansson in her sexy swimwear from Scoop.

Update: Since today's Lindsay Lohan bikini video is taking a bit of time to load, I thought I'd make it up to you. Here's a video clip of Scarlett Johansson from the scene in question.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:44 AM :: 0 comments

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Kristin Cavallari and Avril Lavigne to Star in Lost Summer? (Celebrity Secrets)

While it wouldn't be my first choice in terms of casting, it looks like Avril Lavigne and Kristin Cavallari might be making a movie together, for none other than MTV Films. In this exclusive report (thanks to our anonymous tipster), we hear that there is a lot of buzz inside the MTV offices about Avril and Kristin playing friends in the movie based on Alex McAulay's novel, Lost Summer.

I believe that Avril Lavigne is going to be starring with Kristin Cavallari as two friends who witness a murder in a film for MTV Films based on Alex McAulay's new novel, Lost Summer. It is not a done deal, but there is some serious buzz building over here about it. The MTV execs seem really invested in making Avril a movie star, and feel that Kristin owes them (our guess around here is that Avril is way more into this project than Kristin).
But after doing what little research I could bother to do, it seems like this might be the perfect casting after all. According to Alex McAulay's website, the book is summed up as follows:

It's Laguna Beach meets Cape Fear when a rich girl from California confronts murder and isolation on North Carolina's stormy Outer Banks.
Now, if that's not type-casting, I don't know what is. A movie from MTV, based on a book from MTV, starring a rich girl from California who was on MTV. Now that's what I call corporate synergy. Too bad neither of them can act.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:39 AM :: 0 comments

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Ashlee Simpson Upskirt Panty Slip Pictures (Celebrity Secrets)

Oops! Looks like Ashlee Simpson let a little too much show when her too-mini skirt began to ride up in the car. The younger Simpson sister flashed her white panties to the paparazzi as she arrived at Hyde in Los Angeles.

And maybe it's the camera angle, or a wide lens, but these panty slip pictures definitely aren't doing Ashlee any favours when it comes to her thighs. But we'll give the girl a break this time, since we did get quite the show.

Of course, this is all probably a subconscious attempt to steal the spotlight back from her big sister Jessica. Either that, or she just doesn't know how to keep her dress down.

Until next time, Ashlee, we'll be seeing you...

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:37 AM :: 0 comments

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Jessica Simpson's Breasts Want You to See Her New Movie (Celebrity Secrets)

Once again, the Hollywood marketing machine has commandeered Jessica Simpson's breasts for their nefarious promotional schemes. First it was to promote her new album, and now, the trailer for Jessica's new movie, Employee of the Month features Simpson in some rather low-cut tops, with generous amounts of cleavage.

Of course, it is called show business, and the first rule of business is sex sells. And you know people aren't going to be seeing Jessica Simpson's movies becaue of her acting ability. Besides, Jessica's been sexing up her image for quite some time now. Her new music video, her skimpy bikini, her pimp father, her nipple-revealing see-through dress, have all been strategically employed to get you to want to see more of Jessica Simpson.

But it's no surprise, even the marketing for Dukes of Hazzard, with Jessica Simpson's pink bikini, was very much the same, if not worse (or is that better?). Regardless, of Jessica Simpson's breasts, though, this movie actually looks mildly entertaining, but the final judgement is still out. Until we actually see it, we'll just have to trust Jessica's breasts that the movie is worth it.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:32 AM :: 1 comments

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Sophie Howard is Loaded (Celebrity Secrets)

Sophie Howard isn't really a big name here in North America, but back in Britain, she's pretty big. Though, if you're not sure what Sophie Howard is famous for, I'll give you two guesses.

Give up? It's here boobs, which just happen to be popping out of whatever kind of dress it is she's "wearing." Yes, Sophie Howard is a Page 3 girl, but really she's so much more than that. She's also an FHM girl, a Stuff girl, and a Loaded girl.

And boy is she ever loaded. Anyway, this one is for all you Brits out there who read Egotastic! (and pretty much any other guy who reads this blog), and let me say, it won't be the last. Check out more pictures of Sophie Howard (and her see-through purple vinyl dress) at the Loaded magazine.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:32 AM :: 0 comments

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I Want to be Scarlett Johansson's Ice Cream (Celebrity Secrets)

I don't think I've ever been jealous of a frozen food before, but I am now. Not only because it's crazy hot out there, and I would like my body to be sub-zero by nature, but also because I would be so close to Scarlett Johansson's lips.

But alas, I am neither, and her boyfriend, Josh Hartnett, would be right there waiting to kick my ice cream ass if I tried. Or something like that. I don't really have a problem with Josh Hartnett other then the fact that he's dating Scarlett Johansson, but for that reason alone, I hate him.

Speaking of Scarlett and Josh, they're actually in a movie together, called The Black Dahlia, and the trailer is out today, so make sure you check that out, since it (and Scarlett) looks pretty good. Though from the looks of it, there's too much Josh Hartnett, and not enough Scarlett Johansson.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:25 AM :: 0 comments

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Joss Stone Bikini Pictures are Back (Celebrity Secrets)

If you ask me, it looks like Joss Stone is trying to be the next Lindsay Lohan. Everytime I see her, she's in a bikini, and this is the third time this summer that we've seen some very nice Joss Stone bikini pictures.

The thing is, if Joss Stone really wants to be the next Lindsay Lohan, it's going to take a lot more than just hanging out at the beach in a bikini. Where's the cocaine abuse? Where's the underage drinking? The all-night partying? The bosses threatening legal action, or altogether firing her?

No, Joss Stone has a long way to go if she wants to be the next Lindsay Lohan (even in the bikini department). But this is a pretty good start.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:18 AM :: 0 comments

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I Can See Jessica Simpson's Nipples (Celebrity Secrets)

ell, despite her mother's protestations, Jessica Simpson is going full steam ahead with her new sexy image, if these pictures are any indication. Why is that, you ask? Well, I think anytime Jessica Simpson wears a see-through dress that reveals her nipples, it's safe to say she's getting a bit more riqué. Either that, or her stylist is trying to get revenge.

But I won't question. No, one doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth. But one does look at Jessica Simpson's nipples if one can see them through her dress. So there you have it.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic

8:11 AM :: 0 comments

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Christina Aguilera Has Sex in Public (Celebrity Secrets)

You've got to give Christina Aguilera some credit. When she chooses to do something, she sticks to it. Take this whole skank image of hers. She's been working on this one for years, and there's no signs of it ever changing. Now that's committment.

But every once in a while, you've got to puch the limits of your own skankdom, and that's just what Christina has done. Not satisfied to merely look the part of the cheap hooker, now she's getting down to business, and in public no less. According to GCN, Christina Aguilera had sex in public with her husband, Jordan Bratman, in a London Nightclub.

Christina Aguilera loves having sex with her husband Jordan Bratman in public places. Their most recent escapade was at a secret celebrity nightspot in London. The star refuses to say where the pair succumbed to their urges, but admits they have been in honeymoon mode since their marriage in November.

She says, "It was in a specific room. I can't say. I might get the place in trouble." During her recent visit to London, Aguilera was photographed leaving the capital's Mo*vida and Cuckoo clubs so chances are it as either (or both) of them.
So I guess it's completely official, Christina Aguilera is the biggest skank ever. Well, not as big a skank as Pamela Anderson, or Carmen Electra, or Paris Hilton, but still, she's pretty skanky. Don't believe me? Just check out these new pictures of her from GQ Magazine, and tell me that Christina Aguilera isn't skanky.

Celebrity Secrets Special thank you to egotastic